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" I like celebrities. I love people who are famous. Always have. "

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" If I see a great performance on television, onstage, in the movies, I go to work the next day with a renewed energy and less fear. These great artists take me out of my life and make me want to go there. "

" You can't be funny unless you're tragic, and you can't be tragic unless you're funny. "

" I'm funny when I want to be. And I'm even funny when I don't want to be. "

" Betty White is probably a very nice woman. "

" Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. "

" All you have to do is say, 'I'm going home,' and you're the most popular girl at the party. "

" I like glasses so I can go out without my makeup. Just grab your coat and get your hat and go. "

" Why haven't I made more movies? Nobody asked me. "

" There were a lot of lyrics that I sang but didn't understand. But I had this facade in performance of looking like I wrote the book. "

" I love audiences. My God, the best friends in the world! "

" The people in New York - their humor is on a level that goes, uh, very deep, you know? "

" I have not had any of that surgical stuff. I am too curious to find out exactly how I progress every day of my life naturally. That is what fascinates me. "

" I am not influenced by other human beings. But I am inspired. "

" When I want to do something badly enough, I do it, but there is a practical side of me that thinks I should be paid fairly. "

" I don't want to see my family all the time, and they're delighted, I'm sure, to be aware of that. "

" I think taking care of yourself, health-wise, in every way, is a 100 percent winner. "

" When I'm playing comedy, it is such a crap shoot of what will work and what won't. "

" I never thought about living in New York. I just thought it was great. "

" There will always be ladies who lunch. Always. And apparently they live a long time. "

" There's something about it that makes sense, Lent. You give something up, and everything's more joyful. "

" I don't have to go to a doctor and have my face changed. It terrifies me that women do that. "

" This age thing is all up to you. It's like happiness is up to you. You just have to understand what it is before you get it. "

" I always say, 'If you can't give a reason for the banana peel being in the alley, then don't have the comic slide over it.' Do you understand what I mean? First explain how the banana peel got there quickly. And then there's a reason for all the comedy. "

" These performers that go on about their technique and craft - oh, puleeze! How boring! I don't know what 'technique' means. But I do know what experience is. "

" You cannot tell an audience a lie. They know it before you do; before it's out of your mouth, they know it's a lie. "

" I care about money, very much. I want it. I don't ever want to be without it. My mother once said about me, 'Elaine has to have money.' "

" The closer a part is to you, the harder it is to play. Anything else is just imitation. If I'm playing a Russian countess, I get the hat, the accent, the outrageousness. Easy. Playing a murderess? Perfect. "

" I'm a hotel baby, absolutely: it's hard to think of a hotel I haven't stayed in. "

" I can't explain chemistry. I really can't. I haven't got a clue what it's all about. It just happens. It's like falling in love. You can't explain why you fall in love or explain why it's this particular person. "

" Fear is the base of what everybody does wrong in their lives. "