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" Imitation is the sincerest form of show business. "
Roseanne Barr
Show Business
Imitation
Business
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" I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them. "
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" Nothing real or truthful makes its way to TV unless you are smart and know how to sneak it in, and I would tell you how I did it, but then I would have to kill you. "
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" I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers. "
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" I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver. "
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" Patriarchy is impotent and qualitatively unable to solve even the most simple problems in the cosmos such as picking up their own socks or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking from it. "
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" The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think. "
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" I'm tired of watching as men destroy all the world. Everything used to be beautiful when women were in charge, and now I, working as the physical manifestation of the goddess Isis and the reincarnation of Cleopatra, have decided to save the world. "
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" Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact. "
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" Since I had my gastric bypass surgery in 1998, I eat like a bird. Unfortunately, that bird is a California condor. "
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" I like facts and data because they help me think clearly, beyond the cultural messages that I ingest unwittingly, and sometimes find myself regurgitating almost unconsciously. "
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" I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out. "
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" You can't break through Hollywood formulaic points of view. I've tried, and I think I was more successful than anybody at doing it. "
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" My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel. "
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" I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. "
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" I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird? "
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" I'm very introspective, and I mostly don't talk to people. I get into a real quiet, meditative place. "
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" Humanity is a failed experiment, but I think I'm God and I'd like to start over. I don't want to die, I just want everyone else to. I certainly would not be lonely. It would be exciting never having to listen to another person again but just my own self droning on and on. That's why I write a blog. And I read it, too. "
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" Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered, 'Hey, why not you Roseanne?' Indeed, why not each of us? "
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" When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying. "
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" There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect. "
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" I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny. And I discovered a lot of great writers that went on to do a lot of great shows like 'Seinfeld,' 'Friends,' you know, 'Three and a Half Men.' "
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" I will barnstorm American living rooms. Mainstream media will be unable to ignore me, but more importantly they will be unable to overlook the needs of average Americans in the run-up to the 2012 election. "
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" The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians. "
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" Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive? "
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" I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form. "
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" I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty. "
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" Patriarchy is a bully notion, which if you will notice never attacks a nation that can defend itself. Zionism is patriarchal and sets Judaism on its head. "
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