Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact. "

Related Quotes:

" I'm tired of watching as men destroy all the world. Everything used to be beautiful when women were in charge, and now I, working as the physical manifestation of the goddess Isis and the reincarnation of Cleopatra, have decided to save the world. "

Roseanne Barr

Beautiful

Men

Now

" I gave Joss Whedon and Judd Apatow their first writing jobs, as well as many other untried writers who went on to great success. "

" After my 1985 appearance on 'The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson,' I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom. "

Roseanne Barr

Turn

Appearance

" The American people are sick and tired of this 'lesser evil' garbage they get fed every election year. Both the Democrats and the Republicans do the same evils once they're in office. "

" I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. "

" Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids. "

" I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology. "

" Imitation is the sincerest form of show business. "

" I'm kosher except for times where I eat pork and shellfish. "

" I'm not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S. "

Roseanne Barr

President

Become

" In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth. "

" As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job. "

" My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel. "

" Humanity is a failed experiment, but I think I'm God and I'd like to start over. I don't want to die, I just want everyone else to. I certainly would not be lonely. It would be exciting never having to listen to another person again but just my own self droning on and on. That's why I write a blog. And I read it, too. "

" When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying. "

" Ever since I was a girl, I have written about one to five pages every day - on napkins, on scrap paper, in notebooks and tablets, on the walls in my room as a teenager, and in orange paint on the cheap white plastic blinds in my room. "

" It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it. "

Roseanne Barr

You

Shut Up

" Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered, 'Hey, why not you Roseanne?' Indeed, why not each of us? "

" I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird? "

" Both the Democratic and Republican parties are bought and paid for by corporate America and cater to the needs of the highest bidder as opposed to the people they claim to represent. I cannot be bought. "

" I think I should be here alone to rethink the world - I do. I want these lesser humans gone. "

" 'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking. "

" I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form. "

" The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment 'Roseanne' dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous! "

" Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce. "

" You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right. "

" Anyone with a show on T.V. will tell you it's backbreaking work. And if you have a big personality, which I have, and you're a perfectionist, there's going to be head-butting. "

" I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out. "

" Patriarchy is impotent and qualitatively unable to solve even the most simple problems in the cosmos such as picking up their own socks or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking from it. "

" One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa. "