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" There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect. "
Roseanne Barr
Hell
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" Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself. "
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" I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.' "
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" I like facts and data because they help me think clearly, beyond the cultural messages that I ingest unwittingly, and sometimes find myself regurgitating almost unconsciously. "
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" You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.' "
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" I wish I'd done a tenth year of the 'Roseanne' show. "
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" TV family sitcoms have always been about fathers who know best and mothers who are so enchanted with everything they do. I wanted to be the first mom to be a mom on TV. I wanted to sent out a message about how us women really feel. "
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" I'm God because I have the power to control my mind. "
Roseanne Barr
Mind
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" I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form. "
Roseanne Barr
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" Facts and data, rather than opinion, are the two cornerstones of problem solving, and yet they are consistently withheld from the people by American media. We must have facts and data in order to recognize where there is a problem! "
Roseanne Barr
Facts
Problem
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" They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts! "
Roseanne Barr
Said
Years
Reality
" I know that I pay 48 percent of my income to taxes. You know, I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't going just to export war. If it was actually going to help the people of the United States, I would gladly pay more. "
Roseanne Barr
You
War
Mind
" I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them. "
Roseanne Barr
Pretty
Why
People
" Imitation is the sincerest form of show business. "
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Show Business
Imitation
Business
" Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive? "
Roseanne Barr
You
Time
Anger
" The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians. "
Roseanne Barr
Truth
Truth Is
Voice
" I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. "
Roseanne Barr
Feel
Hate
Human
" Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids. "
Roseanne Barr
Before
Bed
Night
" After my 1985 appearance on 'The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson,' I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom. "
Roseanne Barr
Turn
Me
Appearance
" I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool. "
Roseanne Barr
Farmer
Goal
Now
" I know how to do anything, I'm a mom. "
Roseanne Barr
How
Know
Anything
" The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. "
Roseanne Barr
You
Women
Power
" Excuse the mess but we live here. "
Roseanne Barr
Live
Mess
Here
" I'm very introspective, and I mostly don't talk to people. I get into a real quiet, meditative place. "
Roseanne Barr
Get
Quiet
Real
" And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny. "
Roseanne Barr
Funny
You
Writing
" Nothing real or truthful makes its way to TV unless you are smart and know how to sneak it in, and I would tell you how I did it, but then I would have to kill you. "
Roseanne Barr
Smart
You
Way
" A lot of people in television who've had successful shows claim the 'Roseanne' show as their starting place, and I'm really proud of that. "
Roseanne Barr
Place
Proud
Show
" I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird? "
Roseanne Barr
Just
Weird
Watch
" I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty. "
Roseanne Barr
I Am
Worst
Say
" Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered, 'Hey, why not you Roseanne?' Indeed, why not each of us? "
Roseanne Barr
She
Intelligence
World
" The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. "
Roseanne Barr
Cleaning
Out
Riding