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" I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out. "

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" I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology. "

" Women of this planet need some essential resources: wells, seeds and roads. That is primarily all we have ever needed. Added to that, women need righteous and strong men who will help us to use our most cherished gifts: the ability to multitask and problem solve. "

" I do kabbalistic meditation. It's not unlike time travel; it can change the past and not just the future. You can look at what was lost and go beyond the grief of what was lost. "

" I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them. "

" We're not meant to be parents when we're 50. "

" I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool. "

" I was not raised a Zionist, but a socialist, as were most Jews before the Holocaust. "

" I know that I pay 48 percent of my income to taxes. You know, I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't going just to export war. If it was actually going to help the people of the United States, I would gladly pay more. "

" I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form. "

" I actually regard Facebook as a huge bore, but I cannot refrain from participating in it. I guess I crave the feeling of hope it gives me to think that today will be different from yesterday, that I will find an interesting comment or poke or video, and on the extremely rare occasion when that happens, I am just thrilled. "

" I think I should be here alone to rethink the world - I do. I want these lesser humans gone. "

" To say that I have an undisciplined mind would not be incorrect overall, but it's a little off the mark because I have great discipline when I write - but only for about ten minutes. "

" The American people are sick and tired of this 'lesser evil' garbage they get fed every election year. Both the Democrats and the Republicans do the same evils once they're in office. "

" You can't break through Hollywood formulaic points of view. I've tried, and I think I was more successful than anybody at doing it. "

" Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive? "

" I want to eat, cook, meet famous people and make fun of them. "

" I can't have cats around me because they try to steal my energy. "

" As Prime Minister of Israel, I will introduce a bill into the Knesset that will simply pay the Arabs not to shoot at the Jews. "

" I'm very introspective, and I mostly don't talk to people. I get into a real quiet, meditative place. "

" Since I had my gastric bypass surgery in 1998, I eat like a bird. Unfortunately, that bird is a California condor. "

" I always had a dissociative disorder. But I healed from it over the course of 14 years of big-time therapy. But, you know, I mean, everybody's kind of loony now. So I was kind of a pioneer in the mental illness thing, too. "

" You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right. "

" I'm either mentally ill or Jewish. I can't sometimes tell the difference. "

" It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it. "

" I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver. "

" They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts! "

" I say I'm the only serious comedian in the presidential race. And I'd like to take this opportunity to ask both Romney and Obama to debate me. Because I think that both of those guys - I think that the American people are being given a false choice, because the choice between the lesser of two evils is a false choice. "

" You kind of restructure your whole personality to be in a healthy relationship. "

" I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. "

" Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself. "