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" You can't break through Hollywood formulaic points of view. I've tried, and I think I was more successful than anybody at doing it. "

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" And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny. "

" I think I should be here alone to rethink the world - I do. I want these lesser humans gone. "

" Meditation state is a place of deep relaxation where you can pinpoint the things you do and to set a paradigm switch from effect to cause. So how to be a cause in your own life. "

" I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny. And I discovered a lot of great writers that went on to do a lot of great shows like 'Seinfeld,' 'Friends,' you know, 'Three and a Half Men.' "

" Facts and data, rather than opinion, are the two cornerstones of problem solving, and yet they are consistently withheld from the people by American media. We must have facts and data in order to recognize where there is a problem! "

" The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. "

" I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers. "

" I will barnstorm American living rooms. Mainstream media will be unable to ignore me, but more importantly they will be unable to overlook the needs of average Americans in the run-up to the 2012 election. "

" I'm kosher except for times where I eat pork and shellfish. "

" I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things. "

" I'm not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S. "

" You kind of restructure your whole personality to be in a healthy relationship. "

" I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.' "

" The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. "

" I'm very introspective, and I mostly don't talk to people. I get into a real quiet, meditative place. "

" They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts! "

" Judaism is one of the last of the world's matrilineal philosophies. Matriarchies are always the cultures that patriarchy attacks and decimates, because they don't spend all their money on the military like patriarchy does. They are easy prey. "

" TV family sitcoms have always been about fathers who know best and mothers who are so enchanted with everything they do. I wanted to be the first mom to be a mom on TV. I wanted to sent out a message about how us women really feel. "

" I'm either mentally ill or Jewish. I can't sometimes tell the difference. "

" There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect. "

" I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas. "

" I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them. "

" Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact. "

" I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty. "

" Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids. "

" I like to get people talking. I am a provocateur, and I do like getting on Twitter and riling people up. You know what, after a while some sane dialogue and sane conclusions come of that kind of thing. "

" I gave Joss Whedon and Judd Apatow their first writing jobs, as well as many other untried writers who went on to great success. "

" After my 1985 appearance on 'The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson,' I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom. "

" As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job. "

" The American people are sick and tired of this 'lesser evil' garbage they get fed every election year. Both the Democrats and the Republicans do the same evils once they're in office. "