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" My father could swear in Gaelic and English, by the way, ladies and gentlemen. "

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" I think daycare is great for people who have to work two jobs. My problem is with people who are dropping kids off at daycare because they want to go out and spend the day golfing or getting their nails done. You know what I mean? That's not why they invented daycare. "

" I spent a long time working in the movies to figure out that kind of acting and also how to write and produce for the screen. "

" We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me! "

" Anthony Mackie in 'The Hurt Locker' is everything an actor can hope to be. So rock steady in his portrayal that you immediately forget every performance he may have previously given, and focus only on the character in front of you. "

" I wasn't the best student. I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't paying a lot of attention. "

" I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to nurture. "

" Most people don't know how underpaid and often ill-equipped urban fire departments are across North America. "

" I'd love to play in a Red Sox game. It would be so awesome to actually walk out on the field and play, just for one inning. I'd also steal everything I could get my hands on in the clubhouse, which is why they won't let me do it. "

" My father left Ireland because he did not want to muck horse manure for the rest of his life, and he wanted to come to New York. "

" Anybody who's done standup will tell you that there's nothing like it. The show starts at 8:00, the curtain goes up and there's nobody else except you and the audience, and you just perform for them for two hours. Nobody yells, 'Cut!' There are no retakes. That is still the most exciting medium for me, and I love it. "

" My goal is to leave this planet with the biggest carbon footprint I can possibly leave. "

" I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me. "

" If you had no enemies, you had no fun. "

" My charity is in the business of helping firefighters in any way that we can. For instance, after 9/11 we were the second-fastest charity to raise and distribute money to the widows and surviving family members of the 343 firefighters who died that day. "

" Firefighters are some of the most selfless public servants you will ever encounter. "

" The best comedy audiences in the country and this is tried and true, I'm not just saying it, in my opinion are Boston, Atlanta, and Chicago. "

" If you do good work, it tends to stick around. People still come up to me and say, 'The Ref' is my favorite Christmas movie.' "

" I think it's a shame when you come across young actors and musicians who haven't had the time to learn their craft. It doesn't matter if it's acting or music; you really have to learn how to do it from the bottom up because unless you have a great work ethic... fame is a terrible thing to have. "

" One of those things that I like about TV is that if you get a group of people you like, you can work with these people for months at a time, and you can discover their strengths and weaknesses, and you can use those in the direction where you take the characters. "

" There are some guys I know for a fact, like Louis C.K., who always talk about how not-great of an actor he is, and he's terrific on his show. But I know Louis would play a fantastic dramatic role in something, too. He just needs somebody to grab him and say, 'Come in here and do this.' "

" I didn't raise my kids with the fear of God. "

" I wanted to be a hockey player. Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used. I was terrible in school and actually said, 'I'm going to be a hockey player.' "

" You try to - you want to fly on both sides of the political fence because that's where the - where the comedy is. "

" I studied acting in school and then, of course, couldn't get an acting job. "

" I know gay - gay people who aren't married who are better parents than some, you know, straight people I know who are married. "

" There's no male Oprah. "

" I'm not saying being a comedian is brain surgery, but it is definitely - it's like being a carpenter. You learn how to make tables and chairs. You have to have the right tools, and you have to know how to put the thing together, right? "

" I don't want to see a 'Sopranos' movie. This is just me. I like to think the end is where it was on TV as opposed to becoming a movie. "

" I'm pretty much a chocolate guy. I'm up for any type of chocolate. Any chocolate. "

" I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor. "