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" It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core. "
Phyllis Diller
Good
Only
Beauty
Related Quotes:
" I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. "
Phyllis Diller
Eighteen
Behind
Ironing
" You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. "
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Old
You
Blood
" His finest hour lasted a minute and a half. "
Phyllis Diller
Half
Hour
Lasted
" Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. "
Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds
His
Me
" I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? "
Phyllis Diller
Short
Words
Say
" Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. "
Phyllis Diller
Home
Children
Parenting
" The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. "
Phyllis Diller
Him
Down
You
" Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? "
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You
Chance
Funny
" A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. "
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Guy
Same
Men
" If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. "
Phyllis Diller
Millionaire
Like
Know
" A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are. "
Phyllis Diller
Song
Bad
End
" A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. "
Phyllis Diller
Everything
Curve
Smile
" My father used to call me the laughing hyena. "
Phyllis Diller
Hyena
Me
Father
" Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. "
Phyllis Diller
Three
Just
Bank
" The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. "
Phyllis Diller
Outfit
Football
Play
" Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. "
Phyllis Diller
Aim
Aim High
High
" Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. "
Phyllis Diller
Through
Show
Old Age
" There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. "
Phyllis Diller
Ghetto
Money
Show
" I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard. "
Phyllis Diller
Back
Lot
Yard
" The last thing I'd learn, well into my career, was how to get on, how to say hello, how to get in with the audience. "
Phyllis Diller
Say
How
Career
" Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. "
Phyllis Diller
Best Way
Way
Kitchen
" My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. "
Phyllis Diller
Mother-In-Law
Left
Knee
" Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. "
Phyllis Diller
Children
Advice
Follow
" I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. "
Phyllis Diller
Drive
Admit
Miles
" Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. "
Phyllis Diller
Children
Rest
Will
" Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. "
Phyllis Diller
Licking
Our
Picture
" Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. "
Phyllis Diller
You
Own
Look
" My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. "
Phyllis Diller
Kitchen
Business
Anger
" My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. "
Phyllis Diller
Bad
Thanksgiving
Thought
" What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. "
Phyllis Diller
Looking
Job
Day