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" Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. "

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" My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. "

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" We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. "

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" His finest hour lasted a minute and a half. "

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" I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. "

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" You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. "

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" Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. "

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