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" The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. "

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" I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? "

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" Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. "

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" The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. "

" Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. "

" If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. "

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" Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. "

" I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard. "

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" Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. "

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