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" It's talent. Either you got it or you ain't. "

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" Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him. "

" We rest our case on the production numbers. "

" I'm rather secular. I'm basically Jewish. But I think I'm Jewish not because of the Jewish religion at all. "

" Well, you know, 'Spaceballs' is a weird combination, because it's a simple, sweet little fairytale, and it's crazy and out-there and making fun of and taking apart sci-fi, 'Star Wars', and 'Star Trek'. "

" Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance. "

" I love writing songs. I'm a songwriter. "

" I loved Westerns as a little kid, and I loved horror films. "

" A lot of music is mathematics. It's balance. "

" A cinema villain essentially needs a moustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks up his next nasty plan. "

" I'll accept bad taste in a minute, as long as there's some great comedy minds and performances. "

" As far as songwriters, I've always been a fan of Irving Berlin, Cole Porter, and George Gershwin; those guys mean a lot to me. "

" Dom DeLuise was a big man in every way. He was big in size and created big laughter and joy. "

" I don't have a mission. I don't have a torch to burn. "

" There's an army story in me, and I think there's a WWII Brooks film somewhere. "

" I was a soldier in WWII. The last couple of months of the war I was actually in combat. "

" As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes. "

" Well, just being stupid and politically incorrect doesn't work. You can be politically incorrect if you're smart. "

" Oh, I'm not a true genius. I'm a near genius. I would say I'm a short genius. I'd rather be tall and normal than a short genius. "

" Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you. "

" If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win. "

" Everything starts with writing. And then to support your vision, your ideas, your philosophy, your jokes, whatever, you've gotta perform them and/or direct them, or sometimes just produce them. "

" Judd Apatow is pretty good, both as a producer and as a director. "

" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "

" Humor is just another defense against the universe. "

" Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive. "

" All short women have a delayed fuse. Marry a taller woman: My wife was an inch or two taller than me; it's a sign of security. "

" I'm still a horse that can run. I may not be able to win the Derby, but what do you do when you retire? People retire and they vegetate. They go away and they dry up. "

" My job is to go out and entertain the most people possible. "

" I don't believe in this business of being behind, better to be in front. "

" He who hesitates is poor. "