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" I don't have a mission. I don't have a torch to burn. "

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" You got to be brave. If you feel something, you've really got to risk it. "

" Well, just being stupid and politically incorrect doesn't work. You can be politically incorrect if you're smart. "

" As far as songwriters, I've always been a fan of Irving Berlin, Cole Porter, and George Gershwin; those guys mean a lot to me. "

" We want to get people laughing; we don't want to offend anybody. "

" I only direct in self-defense. "

" A brushstroke of vanity is good to add into the mix, to balance your timidity. We're all blessed with a lot of timidity and a lot of worry and anxiety, and vanity is a good antidote. "

" A lot of music is mathematics. It's balance. "

" If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. "

" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "

" A cinema villain essentially needs a moustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks up his next nasty plan. "

" Well, you know, 'Spaceballs' is a weird combination, because it's a simple, sweet little fairytale, and it's crazy and out-there and making fun of and taking apart sci-fi, 'Star Wars', and 'Star Trek'. "

" I'll accept bad taste in a minute, as long as there's some great comedy minds and performances. "

" If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none. "

" Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance. "

" Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive. "

" I'm rather secular. I'm basically Jewish. But I think I'm Jewish not because of the Jewish religion at all. "

" Everything starts with writing. And then to support your vision, your ideas, your philosophy, your jokes, whatever, you've gotta perform them and/or direct them, or sometimes just produce them. "

" I like Chris Rock. He's dangerous. "

" No, no, the songs write themselves, almost. "

" Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love. "

" He who hesitates is poor. "

" We rest our case on the production numbers. "

" But I have bad taste with a deep fount of intellectuality. "

" If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country. "

" I know how to make it a great musical. I've got to. It's like I've got to see it on stage. "

" I was a soldier in WWII. The last couple of months of the war I was actually in combat. "

" Judd Apatow is pretty good, both as a producer and as a director. "

" I loved Westerns as a little kid, and I loved horror films. "

" As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes. "

" I wish I was better looking. "