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" To be thrown onto the stand-up stage is an experience that you cannot fathom until you're actually there, because there's no place to go, and everyone is looking at you and you can't even see them because of the lights. And yet you have to manage to start talking and be funny on top of it. "

Garry Shandling

Experience

Start

Place

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" I have spent a lot of time studying the issue of relationships, how I grew up, my parents' influence on me. I've talked to a therapist,; I've looked inward spiritually at myself, and what it seems to come down to is that I'm a Sagittarius. Please don't make me reveal more than that. It's tough enough as it is. "

" I don't think I'm severely politically active. I care deeply, and I have my strong personal beliefs. I think America is dancing on thin ice. But I think it's bigger even than a political issue. I wonder about the evolution of the human race and spirit and what our goals and reasons for living are. "

" The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show. "

" Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships, because I do have commitment issues. My friends tell me I have intimacy problems, but they don't know me, so who cares what they think? "

Garry Shandling

Think

Reflection

" Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me. "

Garry Shandling

Nobody

Jokes

" I am interested in how human beings react to crisis and conflict. "

Garry Shandling

React

I Am

" I feel that everything I do in my life I can do in a shorter time than most men can. It's the quality, not the quantity. "

" Dogs are not people. Be leery of any woman who refers to her dogs as her 'kids,' because you'll only end up paying for their schooling. "

" Everyone at a party is uncomfortable. Knowing that makes me more comfortable. "

" I watch the news, which is its own reality show. I love 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.' I love it because it's funny and because I realize that I'm happier than Larry David. "

" I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life, in bed I think less is more and let the woman come to me. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there. "

" I have this very abstract idea in my head. I wouldn't even want to call it stand-up, because stand-up conjures in one's mind a comedian with a microphone standing onstage under a spotlight telling jokes to an audience. The direction I'm going in is eventually, you won't know if it's a joke or not. "

" I like to talk on the cell when I do interviews. That way, I double my chances of getting brain cancer: from the cell phone, and from the questions. "

" I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with - if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at the TV while my mother was speaking to him - I think that's a man's way of tuning out. "

" I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present. "

" My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me. "

" My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81. "

" Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out with. "

Garry Shandling

Hurt

Need

" Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive. "

" I had no idea who I was when I started. I was frightened to death and had no natural performing skills. "

" When I don't have a good time, it's usually because there's a stiffness that stifles creativity. "

" My first 'Tonight Show' was just one of those things - I mean this seriously - a cosmic, meant-to-be coming together of circumstance. You walk out there to do your first 'Tonight Show': Is the audience going to be hot? Are you going to be on fire? It's like an athlete: Are you going to have your moves at a peak? "

" Men who betray women also betray other men. Women shouldn't feel so special. "

" There's a good chance that if you're talking to me when I'm snoring, it means I'm bored. "

" I keep my scrapbooks in the car. When I come to a stoplight, I start looking through my past. Sometimes I wish the red lights were longer. "

" I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead. "