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" I've done seven shows at the Palladium - long running shows I'm talking about. "

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" Most of my comedies were low on budgets - certainly by American standards. "

" I do play drums when I'm on tour. "

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" Such is life and life is such and after all it isn't much. First a cradle. Then a hearse. It might have been better, but it could have been worse. "

" I have a folder where I keep all the articles the critics have written about me. It makes me feel good. "

" Of course I've done musicals here in London. "

" I've an idea for doing a Situation Comedy myself but its always difficult to get people to listen to you because they like to put their own ideas forward. "

" I was in the band as a boy and was taught music and learned to compose. "

" It was smashing working with Jerry Desmonde, he was a very nice chap. "

" My father used to be away for months at a time, and he'd never leave any money for food, so my brother and I had to go out and nick it. "

" Well if I was going to describe my audience, it's going to take longer than you'd ever expect, hundreds of years in fact, because there's many of them, all over the world. "

" I owe everything to the army. "

" Don't get me wrong: I'm overjoyed with my career to date. But perhaps I could have done more. Mostly, I just did whatever the directors told me to do. "

" My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad. "

" You see I'm semi-retired now and don't work all the time, only most of it! "

" I've been extremely lucky having been in the army when I was a boy of fourteen. "

" My only phobia is untidiness. My hair has to be neatly kept; my shoes are always clean. Everything has to be in a straight line, in its place. "

" I don't know nothing about communism. But I know the Albanians loved me. Same reason as anyone else loves me. Because I made them laugh. "

" I've been making people laugh for 40 years, so I know how important it is! "

" I was born in London, and went to school in Scotland - I used to be dead tired when I got home at night. "

" I believe in physical comedy, because that reaches out most to people. "

" It was absolutely thrilling to meet Laurel and Hardy, they were so nice. "

" In fact, one was so booked out we went from March and were to go till November, but the pantomime was booked so they transferred the show to the Prince of Wales Theatre because it was so packed out, and it ran on from there. "

" When you're as famous as I am, stories take on a life of their own. "

" I used to first go on to entertain an audience. But now I go, and this is really true - I go on to have fun with a crowd of my chums. "

" I've got one idea I want to do for a film and you know I just enjoy myself doing bits and pieces. "

" There are people who like just ordinary comedy fun, and making mistakes - which I do easily - and then there are people who like the falling over. "

" I play drums, clarinet, saxophone, trumpet, french horn, piano. "

" As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two. "

" But no, I've just been very lucky. But I've worked hard, and the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get. "