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" My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad. "
Norman Wisdom
Three
Children
Need
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" I've been extremely lucky having been in the army when I was a boy of fourteen. "
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Fourteen
Lucky
Having
" I'm still constantly thinking of ideas. I don't feel 90. I think I'm about 12. "
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Still
Think
Thinking
" I owe everything to the army. "
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Owe
Army
" I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over. "
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Tell
Never
Over
" My father used to be away for months at a time, and he'd never leave any money for food, so my brother and I had to go out and nick it. "
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Father
Brother
" I was born in London, and went to school in Scotland - I used to be dead tired when I got home at night. "
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Dead
Home
School
" I've an idea for doing a Situation Comedy myself but its always difficult to get people to listen to you because they like to put their own ideas forward. "
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" Well if I was going to describe my audience, it's going to take longer than you'd ever expect, hundreds of years in fact, because there's many of them, all over the world. "
Norman Wisdom
Over
Audience
World
" But no, I've just been very lucky. But I've worked hard, and the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get. "
Norman Wisdom
Just
Lucky
Seem
" There are people who like just ordinary comedy fun, and making mistakes - which I do easily - and then there are people who like the falling over. "
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People
Comedy
Mistakes
" In fact, one was so booked out we went from March and were to go till November, but the pantomime was booked so they transferred the show to the Prince of Wales Theatre because it was so packed out, and it ran on from there. "
Norman Wisdom
November
Out
Show
" Such is life and life is such and after all it isn't much. First a cradle. Then a hearse. It might have been better, but it could have been worse. "
Norman Wisdom
Life
First
Been
" My only phobia is untidiness. My hair has to be neatly kept; my shoes are always clean. Everything has to be in a straight line, in its place. "
Norman Wisdom
Clean
Shoes
Hair
" I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. "
Norman Wisdom
Born
Sorry
I Was Born
" I play drums, clarinet, saxophone, trumpet, french horn, piano. "
Norman Wisdom
Play
Trumpet
Saxophone
" What I like doing most is making children laugh. "
Norman Wisdom
Like
Doing
Most
" It was smashing working with Jerry Desmonde, he was a very nice chap. "
Norman Wisdom
Working
Nice
Chap
" I must admit I like to muck around a bit; I always have. "
Norman Wisdom
Must
Admit
Always
" Most of my comedies were low on budgets - certainly by American standards. "
Norman Wisdom
Standards
Most
American
" As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two. "
Norman Wisdom
Memory
You
Things Happen
" I've always had a sense of humour, and I still do, so I just want to go on performing as long as I can. It's as simple as that. "
Norman Wisdom
Always
I Can
Long
" You know I've got a chum, a smashing mate, he's got a dog with no legs, and he calls it a cigarette. It's true, yeah, because at nighttime he has to take it out for a drag. "
Norman Wisdom
Know
Dog
You
" At my age, the radiation will probably do me good. "
Norman Wisdom
Good
Radiation
Me
" I have a folder where I keep all the articles the critics have written about me. It makes me feel good. "
Norman Wisdom
Good
Feel Good
Feel
" I like consistency. If you've had a childhood like mine, you want some things you can rely on to stay the same. "
Norman Wisdom
Childhood
You
Want
" It was absolutely thrilling to meet Laurel and Hardy, they were so nice. "
Norman Wisdom
Meet
Thrilling
Were
" When you're as famous as I am, stories take on a life of their own. "
Norman Wisdom
Famous
You
Stories
" I've done seven shows at the Palladium - long running shows I'm talking about. "
Norman Wisdom
Seven
Talking
Running
" Years ago, there was a variety theatre in every British town, and people paid to go down and see it. Comedy was the main part of the theatre, and comedians earned a living by being funny. Now you have comedy in television instead. Comedians now have to be funny within a play. "
Norman Wisdom
Comedy
Funny
People
" You see I'm semi-retired now and don't work all the time, only most of it! "
Norman Wisdom
See
Now
Only