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" My only phobia is untidiness. My hair has to be neatly kept; my shoes are always clean. Everything has to be in a straight line, in its place. "

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" I do play drums when I'm on tour. "

" What I like doing most is making children laugh. "

" In fact, one was so booked out we went from March and were to go till November, but the pantomime was booked so they transferred the show to the Prince of Wales Theatre because it was so packed out, and it ran on from there. "

" I've an idea for doing a Situation Comedy myself but its always difficult to get people to listen to you because they like to put their own ideas forward. "

" When you're as famous as I am, stories take on a life of their own. "

" I don't know nothing about communism. But I know the Albanians loved me. Same reason as anyone else loves me. Because I made them laugh. "

" There are people who like just ordinary comedy fun, and making mistakes - which I do easily - and then there are people who like the falling over. "

" I've always had a sense of humour, and I still do, so I just want to go on performing as long as I can. It's as simple as that. "

" At my age, the radiation will probably do me good. "

" I've got one idea I want to do for a film and you know I just enjoy myself doing bits and pieces. "

" My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad. "

" I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over. "

" All my boyhood, all I ever wanted was to be loved. "

" Don't get me wrong: I'm overjoyed with my career to date. But perhaps I could have done more. Mostly, I just did whatever the directors told me to do. "

" It was absolutely thrilling to meet Laurel and Hardy, they were so nice. "

" I believe in physical comedy, because that reaches out most to people. "

" Such is life and life is such and after all it isn't much. First a cradle. Then a hearse. It might have been better, but it could have been worse. "

" I used to first go on to entertain an audience. But now I go, and this is really true - I go on to have fun with a crowd of my chums. "

" I'm still constantly thinking of ideas. I don't feel 90. I think I'm about 12. "

" But no, I've just been very lucky. But I've worked hard, and the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get. "

" Most of my comedies were low on budgets - certainly by American standards. "

" I play drums, clarinet, saxophone, trumpet, french horn, piano. "

" I have a folder where I keep all the articles the critics have written about me. It makes me feel good. "

" I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. "

" I like consistency. If you've had a childhood like mine, you want some things you can rely on to stay the same. "

" Years ago, there was a variety theatre in every British town, and people paid to go down and see it. Comedy was the main part of the theatre, and comedians earned a living by being funny. Now you have comedy in television instead. Comedians now have to be funny within a play. "

" As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two. "

" I've done seven shows at the Palladium - long running shows I'm talking about. "

" I was in the band as a boy and was taught music and learned to compose. "

" My father used to be away for months at a time, and he'd never leave any money for food, so my brother and I had to go out and nick it. "