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" Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian. "
Roseanne Barr
Heaven
Just
More
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" I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas. "
Roseanne Barr
More
Get
Vegas
" I'm not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S. "
Roseanne Barr
President
Me
Become
" I want to say that nobody accuses their parents of abusing them without justification to do that. I didn't just make it up. A lot of things were true and abusive and horrible things that happened to me that my father did. "
Roseanne Barr
Nobody
Father
Me
" I do kabbalistic meditation. It's not unlike time travel; it can change the past and not just the future. You can look at what was lost and go beyond the grief of what was lost. "
Roseanne Barr
Grief
Time
You
" I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny. And I discovered a lot of great writers that went on to do a lot of great shows like 'Seinfeld,' 'Friends,' you know, 'Three and a Half Men.' "
Roseanne Barr
You
Great
Know
" In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth. "
Roseanne Barr
Good
Find
You
" I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty. "
Roseanne Barr
I Am
Worst
Say
" I wish I'd done a tenth year of the 'Roseanne' show. "
Roseanne Barr
Done
I Wish
Show
" I actually regard Facebook as a huge bore, but I cannot refrain from participating in it. I guess I crave the feeling of hope it gives me to think that today will be different from yesterday, that I will find an interesting comment or poke or video, and on the extremely rare occasion when that happens, I am just thrilled. "
Roseanne Barr
Me
Think
Feeling
" Nobody wanted the 'Roseanne' show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family. "
Roseanne Barr
Fat
Woman
Show
" I know how to do anything, I'm a mom. "
Roseanne Barr
How
Know
Anything
" You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right. "
Roseanne Barr
You
Better
Get
" It's not really the job of a public servant to inspire, but to get the job that the people demand done. The Democrats think that if they have hope and are inspired, things will get better, but they actually won't. "
Roseanne Barr
Think
Job
Done
" My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel. "
Roseanne Barr
World
Hope
Just
" One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa. "
Roseanne Barr
Iowa
Things
First
" Patriarchy is a bully notion, which if you will notice never attacks a nation that can defend itself. Zionism is patriarchal and sets Judaism on its head. "
Roseanne Barr
Nation
Head
You
" Women of this planet need some essential resources: wells, seeds and roads. That is primarily all we have ever needed. Added to that, women need righteous and strong men who will help us to use our most cherished gifts: the ability to multitask and problem solve. "
Roseanne Barr
Roads
Strong
Women
" The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think. "
Roseanne Barr
Me
Like
Fact
" Patriarchy is impotent and qualitatively unable to solve even the most simple problems in the cosmos such as picking up their own socks or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking from it. "
Roseanne Barr
Problems
Simple
Own
" I gave Joss Whedon and Judd Apatow their first writing jobs, as well as many other untried writers who went on to great success. "
Roseanne Barr
First
Writing
Well
" 'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking. "
Roseanne Barr
Winning
You
Just
" The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment 'Roseanne' dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous! "
Roseanne Barr
End
Fame
Moment
" Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive? "
Roseanne Barr
You
Time
Anger
" Judaism is one of the last of the world's matrilineal philosophies. Matriarchies are always the cultures that patriarchy attacks and decimates, because they don't spend all their money on the military like patriarchy does. They are easy prey. "
Roseanne Barr
Always
Easy
Military
" There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect. "
Roseanne Barr
Hell
More
Most
" I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology. "
Roseanne Barr
Tyranny
Yourself
Great
" I was completely nuts for most of my life. "
Roseanne Barr
Most
Life
Nuts
" The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest. "
Roseanne Barr
Way
Through
Man
" Facts and data, rather than opinion, are the two cornerstones of problem solving, and yet they are consistently withheld from the people by American media. We must have facts and data in order to recognize where there is a problem! "
Roseanne Barr
Facts
Problem
People
" Nothing real or truthful makes its way to TV unless you are smart and know how to sneak it in, and I would tell you how I did it, but then I would have to kill you. "
Roseanne Barr
Smart
You
Way