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" I know how to do anything, I'm a mom. "
Roseanne Barr
How
Know
Anything
Related Quotes:
" I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff. "
Roseanne Barr
Friends
Comedy
Try
" When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying. "
Roseanne Barr
Used
Funny
Tell
" To say that I have an undisciplined mind would not be incorrect overall, but it's a little off the mark because I have great discipline when I write - but only for about ten minutes. "
Roseanne Barr
Write
Discipline
Great
" The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think. "
Roseanne Barr
Me
Like
Fact
" After my 1985 appearance on 'The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson,' I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom. "
Roseanne Barr
Turn
Me
Appearance
" Patriarchy is a bully notion, which if you will notice never attacks a nation that can defend itself. Zionism is patriarchal and sets Judaism on its head. "
Roseanne Barr
Nation
Head
You
" I will barnstorm American living rooms. Mainstream media will be unable to ignore me, but more importantly they will be unable to overlook the needs of average Americans in the run-up to the 2012 election. "
Roseanne Barr
Election
American
Ignore
" I gave Joss Whedon and Judd Apatow their first writing jobs, as well as many other untried writers who went on to great success. "
Roseanne Barr
First
Writing
Well
" I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers. "
Roseanne Barr
Now
Life
Live
" I'm God because I have the power to control my mind. "
Roseanne Barr
Mind
Power
Because
" Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered, 'Hey, why not you Roseanne?' Indeed, why not each of us? "
Roseanne Barr
She
Intelligence
World
" I meditate so I know how to find a peaceful place within to be calm and peaceful. "
Roseanne Barr
Calm
Peaceful
Place
" I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas. "
Roseanne Barr
More
Get
Vegas
" I'm very introspective, and I mostly don't talk to people. I get into a real quiet, meditative place. "
Roseanne Barr
Get
Quiet
Real
" Comedy is the only hope for humanity. "
Roseanne Barr
Hope
Comedy
Only
" Nobody wanted the 'Roseanne' show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family. "
Roseanne Barr
Fat
Woman
Show
" I want to eat, cook, meet famous people and make fun of them. "
Roseanne Barr
Meet
Fun
Famous
" I wish I'd done a tenth year of the 'Roseanne' show. "
Roseanne Barr
Done
I Wish
Show
" There is no real third party in America. There's this one party that has two sides to it - the Democratic and Republican side. It's one party that has two heads. "
Roseanne Barr
America
Party
Real
" The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment 'Roseanne' dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous! "
Roseanne Barr
End
Fame
Moment
" I want to say that nobody accuses their parents of abusing them without justification to do that. I didn't just make it up. A lot of things were true and abusive and horrible things that happened to me that my father did. "
Roseanne Barr
Nobody
Father
Me
" I'm kosher except for times where I eat pork and shellfish. "
Roseanne Barr
Pork
Times
Except
" The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. "
Roseanne Barr
Cleaning
Out
Riding
" I was completely nuts for most of my life. "
Roseanne Barr
Most
Life
Nuts
" I actually regard Facebook as a huge bore, but I cannot refrain from participating in it. I guess I crave the feeling of hope it gives me to think that today will be different from yesterday, that I will find an interesting comment or poke or video, and on the extremely rare occasion when that happens, I am just thrilled. "
Roseanne Barr
Me
Think
Feeling
" I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form. "
Roseanne Barr
My Life
Powerful
Think
" They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts! "
Roseanne Barr
Said
Years
Reality
" The American people are sick and tired of this 'lesser evil' garbage they get fed every election year. Both the Democrats and the Republicans do the same evils once they're in office. "
Roseanne Barr
Election
Evil
People
" As Prime Minister of Israel, I will introduce a bill into the Knesset that will simply pay the Arabs not to shoot at the Jews. "
Roseanne Barr
Pay
Israel
Shoot
" I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool. "
Roseanne Barr
Farmer
Goal
Now