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" Missing out an apostrophe or two does not make you an idiot. But equating party allegiance with nationhood certainly makes you a thug. And thugs don't often notice that they're thugs, usually because they're also idiots. "

Robert Webb

You

Idiot

Missing

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" I snootily say I can't take too many dramatic parts, as it's taking work from actors who aren't funny. "

" I'd kill to be 'Doctor Who.' Maybe they could make the Doctor two people? He has got two hearts, after all. "

" I don't do much lying in real life because I don't get away with it. "

" It was quite an honour when 'New Woman' magazine voted me 88th sexiest man in the world. I think I was one in front of David Cameron. "

Robert Webb

Woman

Think

" The only thing I've cooked while entertaining is stir-fry. "

" If I told my 18-year-old self that one day I'd have a sitcom and a sketch show on TV, I think he'd just drum his fingers and go, 'When? How long is that going to take?' "

" I don't care where you went to school. There - have I made your day? No? All right, I'll go further: I also don't care what your dad did for a living or how your mum voted. Nor do I mind whether you ate your tea in front of the telly, dinner at the kitchen table, or supper in the dining room. "

" UKIP trades in the language of fear and division; it seeks power in order to reject responsibility. "

" Feminism is an attack on social practices and habits of thought that keep women and men boxed into gender roles that are harmful. "

" One thing about the fantasy dinner party idea that no one considers is whether these people are going to get on. I would say John McEnroe and Ian McEwan, but what would they have to say to each other? "

" Slow, skinny, and an utter countryside coward: I lived in dread of nettles, spiders, and the very sound of a wasp. As a victim, I was beneath the dignity of the bullies in my year but fair game to the ones in the year below. "

" Ambiguity around ambiguity is forgivable in an unpublished poet and expected of an arts student on the pull: for a professional comedian demoting himself to the role of 'thinker', with stadiums full of young people hanging on his every word, it won't really do. "

" We are people, individuals comprising a variety of sexes, races, shifting sexualities and all the rest of it. Every convention that tries to reinforce this difference is a step back. Notions of gender pointlessly separate men from women, but also mothers from daughters and fathers from sons. "

" Car-essential is a real turn-off to me, so yeah, I just want a friendly holiday resort with a villa and a pool, but which is really private, but there again, there's a supermarket and a doctor's and a beach a five-minute walk away. That's all I want, and it's quite difficult to find. "

" Like most men, I can't say I am thrilled my hair's falling out, but then, if I really cared, I suppose I would wear a wig, get transplants, or start taking special pills, so I am obviously just putting up with it. "

" I'm knackered. I'm knackered all the time. My stupid, tiny children wake me up at 5:48 A.M. every single morning. "

Robert Webb

Children

" I am a feminist. I don't especially care for the term, but there it is. "

" When I look in the mirror, I see the ageing process at full pelt, the hairline in retreat, the bags under the eyes growing and darkening, that kind of thing. I suppose it would be easier if I weren't an actor, but I am fairly philosophical about it. "

" My first proper kiss was from Cara Shucksmith when I was 13 or 14 at her birthday party. "

" We call ourselves comedy writer-performers, and that encompasses everything, and I certainly have a very open mind about it. "

" Don't get me wrong - intellectual snobbery is vulgar and gauche. "

" I suppose if I went to Turkey - I mean, I can't imagine going that far away, but if I did go to Turkey, yes, I would probably try to know 'please' and 'sorry' and 'thank you', and 'a beer please', and all the useful words. "

" When I was 18, I was halfway up the Eiffel Tower with my friend, Tom, when we decided to stick our heads through the railings. The gap between the railings was exactly the right size to be able to put your head through and nearly get stuck. Which is exactly what happened. "

Robert Webb

Right

Head

" When I present those clip shows and movie mistakes and things, the persona the writers adopt for me is unimpressed, superior, very sarcastic - I'm not any of that. I can do it, but that's not what I'm like. "

Robert Webb

Present

Mistakes

" I'm good at finding things to do on my own, even if it's just reading. "

" When I was 15, if Stephen Fry had advised me to trim my eyebrows with a Flymo, I would have given it serious consideration. "

Robert Webb

Eyebrows

Serious

" It's odd because some actors are very scared of comedians. "

" I've been sort of coasting on 'Peep Show.' So now it's kind of, 'When I grow up, I'm going to have to be an actor if I'm not careful.' "

" Very bad things follow when we kid ourselves that we're naturally rational, rather than the more humbling truth: naturally emotional. "

Robert Webb

Bad

Emotional

" A waiter at the hotel kept telling me that Cape Town is just like a European city, but it's not like that at all. It doesn't feel safe, and I didn't really go out at night. "

Robert Webb

Safe

Hotel