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" My first holiday to San Francisco in 1998-99 was supposed to be a two-week vacation but I ended up staying five weeks and nearly didn't come home. "

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" There's this idea that it has to be made in London. But we've got everything up here, and if you've got comics who are gifted because of where they're from, you shouldn't drag them away from that natural resource. "

" I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia. "

" Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out. "

" I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show. "

" I've got little ankles and a bit of a belly, so it makes me look rather an egg on legs. "

" I was loved as a kid; I was raised with more love and emotional support than most folks could wish for... my memories aged nought to ten... are all bound up together in a mesh of innocence and fun. "

" I've always said that with kids' TV that people get stuck in it from drama school but that's not fair because I know myself that when you go in creatively, kids are so much more open to ideas. You're so much freer to mess about and try things. "

" 'Johnny' was a coping mechanism who could take those things which could have ordinarily destroyed me, by tweaking my past and throwing it back out there, getting laughs from things that would have otherwise upset me. "

" I couldn't be 'Johnny' in front of a camera in acting jobs and behind the camera I like to be 'Michael.' With directing, you can't do it by halves. There's a lot of reflection, and I have found that I, as 'Michael,' thrive on it. It's lovely coming home and feeling that stuff from a day's work as myself. "

" I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone. "

" There have been times I've finished a big job and thought, 'Great, a couple of weeks off.' But then a couple of weeks turns to three weeks and then after a month you're staring at the phone willing it to ring. "

" From a certain age, I sort of accepted myself for what I was. And although to other people it was like nothing ever goes right, I had a really nice attitude that I'd inherited from my parents, and especially from my dad. "

" I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion. "

" I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up. "

" I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them. "

" It can be tough as a jobbing actor. "

" I sang 'American Pie' a lot in my stage set. It had a knack of uniting an audience in a sing-along. It's a clever song about American history but wrapped in a fantastic tune. "

" I always say that the stand-up world is the arena of the unwell, and it is. "

" The cheese board is my big treat at Christmas that I have to deny myself during the rest of year. "

" We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases. "

" People are always asking, 'Where does Michael Pennington end and Johnny Vegas begin,' and you're going, 'It's not like that: it's blurred right across.' "

" Some comics are in it for what they can get out of it. Others are in it for a love of comedy. I think those that are in it for a genuine love of comedy find each other within the circuit and become friends. "

" Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric! "

" Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It's always lost on them and you'll find yourself being put back on the plane. "

" I used to attract a lot of feeders. I'd be quite happy to be locked in someone's flat and fed liquidised burgers. "

" You don't want to be flattered and become big-headed by getting awards. But, well, I am. "

" I'd never experienced stress before I did stand-up, and it was a massive shock to my system, this thing of waking up, and the nerves of, 'You're on stage tonight.' "

" I've been offered all the reality TV shows but have turned them down. If I did it as 'Johnny,' there'd be no jungle left! It was really hard regaining control of myself, so I am reluctant to let 'Johnny' back out of the box. "

" It's lovely being a parent and being in a strong marriage with somebody who is your best friend. "

" Writing a book about yourself is like therapy, and you go 'Oh My God, that's the reason that happened.' Writing about it, you're forced to really examine things. "