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" One of the more urp-making habits of media mavens is presuming to speak for the American people, as in 'The American people won't stand for this!' "

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" It really is possible to disagree with someone's policies without hating them. Grown-ups can do that. "

" Arkansas, the state Bill Clinton loves and that loves him back, is a place with just no pretension at all. "

" One thing I have learned from Johnny Faulk, Texas, and life, is that since you don't always win, you got to learn to enjoy just fightin' the good fight. "

" Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. "

" I saw a shrink because I thought I suffered from fear of success. "

" Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. "

" I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years. "

" A teenage foot that never tapped to 'Heartbreak Hotel' in the '50s probably belonged to a hopeless grind. "

" People asked me during the Iraq war if I was afraid to speak out. I said no. "

" I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel - it's vulgar. "

" If you really wanted to settle down the Middle East, if what you wanted was change in the Middle East, it is perfectly obvious that the first step is resolving the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. "

" On a personal note: I have contracted an outstanding case of breast cancer, from which I intend to recover. I don't need get-well cards, but I would like the beloved women readers to do something for me: Go. Get. The. Damn. Mammogram. Done. "

" The thing about democracy, beloveds, is that it is not neat, orderly, or quiet. It requires a certain relish for confusion. "

" Legislative language is governed by a law of etymology that is also the ancient code of the bureaucracy: It doesn't have to be right, it just has to be close enough for government work. If they understand what you mean, it doesn't matter what you say or how you say it. "

" I think provincialism is an endemic characteristic with mankind, I think everybody everywhere is provincial, but it is particularly striking with Texans, and we tend to be very Texcentric. "

" I do object to those who jump from political hackery to flackery and expect respect. "

" I don't think I've decided much in my life. Don't you think life just happens? "

" There are times a country is so tired of bull that only the truth can provide relief. "

" If you grew up white before the civil rights movement anywhere in the South, all grown-ups lied. They'd tell you stuff like, 'Don't drink out of the colored fountain, dear, it's dirty.' In the white part of town, the white fountain was always covered with chewing gum and the marks of grubby kids' paws, and the colored fountain was always clean. "

" Behind a smoke screen of high-profile female appointees and soothing slogans, George W. Bush is waging war on women. "

" I have long argued that no one should be allowed to write opinion without spending years as a reporter - nothing like interviewing all four eyewitnesses to an automobile accident and then trying to write an accurate account of what happened. "

" The only reason to have a positive mental attitude is that it makes life better. It doesn't cure cancer. "

" I have always been a left-winger and an outsider. I loved being that. I was perfectly cheerful with that role. Then suddenly, you're one of the talking heads on 'Nightline,' and you think you must have sold out. "

" It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America. "

" I've always found it easier to be funny than to be serious. "

" For years, I have been trying to persuade people that George W. Bush, although no Einstein, is not stupid. "

" If Bush does make it to the White House, he and Laura should have Ken Starr over for dinner. "

" The greatest moral leader of my lifetime was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., whose private life does not bear close examination. "

" Those who imagine polygamy to be handy cover for promiscuity are apparently off the mark. If polygamists share one quality, it is that, polygamy aside, they are extraordinarily strait-laced. "

" Sometimes misunderstandings between bloggers and the MSM are the result of simple ignorance. "