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" Over the next few years the boardrooms of America are going to light up with hot flashes. "
Gail Sheehy
Hot
Over
Years
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" In 2009, I served as AARP's Ambassador of Caregiving. With a producer and cameraman, I traveled the country for months, interviewing hundreds of caregivers. "
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" This is something caregivers have to understand: You have to ask for help. You have to realize that you deserve to ask for help. Because you need to keep on working on your own life. "
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" In my memoir, I admit that I've been as fearful of success as of failure. In fact, when 'Passages' was published, I so dreaded bad reviews that I ran away to Italy with a girlfriend and our children to hide out. "
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" I actually like getting out of my comfort zone. It shakes me up. "
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" I found the happiest woman in America is between 50 and 55, is happily married, has made significant progress in her career, and lives in a community where she can easily exercise outside. But the most important single thing was she had her last child before she was 35. "
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" You don't have to feel confident to act confident. In fact, it's the most important acting job you can learn. "
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" Be willing to shed parts of your previous life. For example, in our 20s, we wear a mask; we pretend we know more than we do. We must be willing, as we get older, to shed cocktail party phoniness and admit, 'I am who I am.' "
Gail Sheehy
Admit
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" People in grief need someone to walk with them without judging them. "
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Grief
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" I do think women can have it all - but not all women. If you take daring steps and are smart about it, you can probably have it all. But you might have to wait a while. "
Gail Sheehy
Wait
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" If you begin to think you are solely responsible for keeping your loved one alive and safe, you will eventually find yourself playing God. This phase can develop into an unhealthy, codependent relationship. "
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Think
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" Back in 1968, when I was 30, my entire life blew up. I had a life plan, and it collapsed for no rational reason. "
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Up
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" Adapting to our Second Adulthood is not all about the money. It requires thinking about how to find a new locus of identity or how to adjust to a spouse who stops working and who may loll, enjoying coffee and reading the paper online while you're still commuting. "
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Identity
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" The delights of self-discovery are always available. "
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Learning
Always
Self-Discovery
" The perceptions of middle age have their own luminosity. "
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Middle
Age
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" The dream for many millennial women is to make a difference as social or political entrepreneurs. They are using the social media and marketing tools they have mastered to empower less fortunate women and direct them onto career tracks that women have traditionally avoided, like science and technology. "
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Science
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" I do think taking the 20s to take the most chances you can is important, because you're not going to hurt anyone else during that time. And if you do have a partner, you need a couple years to rehearse that relationship. "
Gail Sheehy
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" Like everyone else in the first weeks after the tragedy of 9/11, I was looking frantically for some way to help. "
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Way
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" It was so naive to think that there was nothing interesting that happened after 55. Come on, there's a whole second adulthood! "
Gail Sheehy
Think
Adulthood
Interesting
" I've had the experience of having a book praised but then it doesn't sell. Or not praised but then it sells. "
Gail Sheehy
Having
Then
Book
" I know I'm never going to probably see the Taj Mahal or, you know, climb Mt. Everest, but I can still maybe influence peoples' way of thinking by a story that I do, by something I learn about the world. "
Gail Sheehy
Influence
Story
Thinking
" I found that female pathfinders generally integrate characteristics commonly associated with being women - like the capacity to be intimate - with 'male' ones like ambition and courage. "
Gail Sheehy
Courage
Capacity
Ambition
" I'm a liberal, but I think there's so much that the private sector can do and does do. "
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Private
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I Think
" Being a pathfinder is to be willing to risk failure and still go on. "
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Being
Risk
Still
" I keep returning to the central question facing over-50 women as we move into our Second Adulthood. What are our goals for this stage in our lives? "
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Stage
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" Family caregiving has become a predictable crisis. Americans are living longer and longer but dying slower and slower. "
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Living
Crisis
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" There is no more defiant denial of one man's ability to possess one woman exclusively than the prostitute who refuses to redeemed. "
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Who
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" Creativity can be described as letting go of certainties. "
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Go
Letting Go
Certainties
" I did not give my daughter the kind of childhood anybody would want. The vision of the divided loyalty between a mother and father who don't live together and don't share in decisions is a great depravation for children. "
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Mother
Children
Daughter
" Changes are not only possible and predictable, but to deny them is to be an accomplice to one's own unnecessary vegetation. "
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Changes
Own
Only
" In the first phase of shock over, say, your mortgage being called in or your job washed out, it's essential to engage with others and share the fear, release the feelings, do fun things to take your mind off it. "
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Say
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