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" In 2009, I served as AARP's Ambassador of Caregiving. With a producer and cameraman, I traveled the country for months, interviewing hundreds of caregivers. "
Gail Sheehy
Ambassador
Country
Producer
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" Creativity can be described as letting go of certainties. "
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" The first thing one notices about Jill Abramson is her short stature. The second is her intensity. "
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" If you begin to think you are solely responsible for keeping your loved one alive and safe, you will eventually find yourself playing God. This phase can develop into an unhealthy, codependent relationship. "
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" Stress overload makes us stupid. Solid research proves it. When we get overstressed, it creates a nasty chemical soup in our brains that makes it hard to pull out of the anxious depressive spiral. "
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" You don't have to feel confident to act confident. In fact, it's the most important acting job you can learn. "
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" If you're the person living closest to the parent who's going to need help, and you take on the whole role of primary caregiver, you can be pretty sure your sibling who lives farthest away is going to call you and say, 'You don't know what you're doing.' Because they're not on the spot, and they probably feel guilty. "
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You
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" Most women have learned a great deal about how to set goals for our First Adulthood and how to roll with the punches when we hit a rough passage. But we're less prepared for our Second Adulthood as we approach life after retirement, where there are no fixed entrances or exits, and lots of sand into which it is easy to bury our heads. "
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" No one can control the aging process or the trajectory of illness. "
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Control
Aging
Illness
" There is no more defiant denial of one man's ability to possess one woman exclusively than the prostitute who refuses to redeemed. "
Gail Sheehy
Who
Man
Denial
" People in grief need someone to walk with them without judging them. "
Gail Sheehy
Grief
Judging
People
" Like everyone else in the first weeks after the tragedy of 9/11, I was looking frantically for some way to help. "
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Way
Looking
Everyone
" No sooner do we think we have assembled a comfortable life than we find a piece of ourselves that has no place to fit in. "
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Comfortable
Life
Find
" Married at 23, a mother at 24, and blindsided by divorce at 28, I found myself struggling, like many young women I meet today, to strike a balance between my personal life and my career. "
Gail Sheehy
Meet
Myself
Today
" It was so naive to think that there was nothing interesting that happened after 55. Come on, there's a whole second adulthood! "
Gail Sheehy
Think
Adulthood
Interesting
" I do think taking the 20s to take the most chances you can is important, because you're not going to hurt anyone else during that time. And if you do have a partner, you need a couple years to rehearse that relationship. "
Gail Sheehy
Time
Think
Relationship
" Would that there were an award for people who come to understand the concept of enough. Good enough. Successful enough. Thin enough. Rich enough. Socially responsible enough. When you have self-respect, you have enough. "
Gail Sheehy
Award
Good
People
" In the case of my husband, we found that facing a life-threatening illness prodded us to make a dramatic change in our lives. "
Gail Sheehy
Illness
Dramatic
Husband
" I actually like getting out of my comfort zone. It shakes me up. "
Gail Sheehy
Up
Comfort
Comfort Zone
" Being a pathfinder is to be willing to risk failure and still go on. "
Gail Sheehy
Being
Risk
Still
" We really only have two choices. Play it safe, or take a chance. For me, pulling back because of fear has always made me feel worse. "
Gail Sheehy
Play
Me
Chance
" Adapting to our Second Adulthood is not all about the money. It requires thinking about how to find a new locus of identity or how to adjust to a spouse who stops working and who may loll, enjoying coffee and reading the paper online while you're still commuting. "
Gail Sheehy
Money
Identity
Coffee
" When I was immobilized by fear, I might have a panic attack. I've had a couple of panic attacks in my life. "
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Had
Life
My Life
" I dare to do things - that's how I survive. "
Gail Sheehy
Survive
Dare
Things
" This is something caregivers have to understand: You have to ask for help. You have to realize that you deserve to ask for help. Because you need to keep on working on your own life. "
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Own
Need
Life
" If every day is an awakening, you will never grow old. You will just keep growing. "
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You
Will
Day
" I did not give my daughter the kind of childhood anybody would want. The vision of the divided loyalty between a mother and father who don't live together and don't share in decisions is a great depravation for children. "
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Mother
Children
Daughter
" The feminist spirit still lives! It shows most boldly among younger women from the millennial generation. "
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Still
Generation
Women
" I found that female pathfinders generally integrate characteristics commonly associated with being women - like the capacity to be intimate - with 'male' ones like ambition and courage. "
Gail Sheehy
Courage
Capacity
Ambition
" In my memoir, I admit that I've been as fearful of success as of failure. In fact, when 'Passages' was published, I so dreaded bad reviews that I ran away to Italy with a girlfriend and our children to hide out. "
Gail Sheehy
Bad
Failure
Hide
" I'd visually have that idea. I'm diving off the end of the diving board. I'm not going to be worried about if I'm going to dive into a jellyfish or the water's going to be too cold or the boys are going to beat me. I'm just doing it. And if I do it, it's a good chance I'll make it. "
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Me
Water
Chance