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" People are just so insensitive because they're ignorant; they don't understand, so they're scared of what they're ignorant of. "

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" I had a guy on Facebook for, like, years just asking if he could PayPal me money, and of course I have to say no when, really, I'm just like, 'Why wouldn't I? He doesn't want anything for it.' "

" All my life - middle school, high school - I've always been worried what are people going to think. "

" I remember thinking years ago about getting a half special, 'When you get that, that will be it. That will be all you need to feel validated in this world.' I feel like that special was just another set. "

" I think I deal with my anger toward my relationship or about my relationship or about my friendships or my family - I deal with it on stage in a passive-aggressive way, and that can be very harmful if it gets back to them, which it always does. "

" Make eye contact with cute strangers. Give guys your email. Email is safer than a number, or at least it feels that way. "

" I'm so glad I'm not in college anymore. I'm so glad I'm not having kids. "

" I'm in a relationship and have never been on Tinder as a single woman, but from what I have seen, I think it is always good to have a picture with an animal to show that you are kind. "

" I went and hung out at a foot fetish party, and I knew that was a very popular fetish to have, but I didn't realize how amazing it would be to have it. "

" I won't tackle something like furries, because there's nothing new to say. Also, I won't do anything that I think will put my life at risk. "

" That's the compliment I get most often - 'You guys are so honest.' "

" I just realized I have probably spent more time in a strip club than Rihanna has, and that is saying a lot because she goes a lot! "

" I have to say that it's fun to write for young girls, and it's exciting to know that we're influencing them and they're looking at us like, 'I want to grow up and be like them.' I mean, I just made up the person saying that. "

" I don't know what that is because to me, Feb. 14 is Rob Thomas' birthday, and that's only what I acknowledge it as. I just like to celebrate that as Rob Thomas' birthday. "

" I wasn't a good-looking child. I got screwed out of the genetic deal. My sister looks like a model. I think that's why I'm a comic. I'm deeply insecure, since I was always feeling ugly. I wasn't a healthy child. I had poor self-esteem. That's why I need people's approval. "

" Rob Thomas loves nothing more than for couples to go on dates, and he loves chocolates. Boxes of 20 chocolates. "

" I just got a new dog, so I was worried that he'd hate the fireworks, and he did, but just because he's not a patriot, not because of the loud sounds. The loud sounds he's fine with - he just hates America. "

" I'm not a bleeding-heart feminist, but I do like to call out that stuff in my act. It's nice when you find a perspective that no one has hit on. "

" I've talked about my relationship without consulting my boyfriend about whether or not he wants that talked about, and I've also taken a story that has happened with us and, for comedic purposes, exaggerated it or changed it in some way that made him look not great. "

" I've been saying inappropriate things since I was a kid. "

" I always told my parents, 'Just give me till I'm 27 to do comedy, to make it'. "

" My logic used to be if I get angry at my boyfriend, he could say, 'Well, if that thing I do that I don't want to stop doing makes you mad, I don't need to be with you. Bye!' And then he'd leave me. Forever. "

" Sarah Silverman. She's the reason I do comedy. Her DNC speech was my favorite thing I ever heard. Sitting down with her and laughing would be incredible. "

" My boyfriend and I have finally learned how to embrace confrontation as something that will only help us as a couple. "

" A lot of being a woman in this business is about how you look... That's not why we're even in this business; that's not what people want from us. We're valuable because we're funny and because we have a voice and a point of view. "

" There's actually a thing called Wikifeet that's the Wikipedia of celebrity girls' feet. "

" I nannied for a couple of months. The kids were super-funny; it made me wish I grew up in a comedy household. But nannying is demoralizing. I'm just not cut out for it. "

" I like putting myself in uncomfortable situations. "

" I don't feel the same pressure to be perfect up there that I did in the beginning. "

" Things end in this business. Shows get canceled, or you walk away from them - but most likely, things get canceled. "

" Everything I write in my show is a collaboration with a team. "