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" Rob Thomas loves nothing more than for couples to go on dates, and he loves chocolates. Boxes of 20 chocolates. "
Nikki Glaser
Couples
More
Go
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" My standup is years and years of me working things out on the road. I'm really proud of it! A lot of it is about, well... I don't know why I feel this way, but I feel like every special or show I do is some variation on how I feel like I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. "
Nikki Glaser
Know
Me
Proud
" I never feel guilty or anything after a podcast; I feel better. "
Nikki Glaser
Never
Guilty
Anything
" My boyfriend and I have finally learned how to embrace confrontation as something that will only help us as a couple. "
Nikki Glaser
Finally
Only
Embrace
" Why am I sharing this part of my life when it opens me up to judgment? But part of me wants to share that part of my life because I think non-monogamy is a normal thing for human beings to want. "
Nikki Glaser
Want
Think
Sharing
" I had a guy on Facebook for, like, years just asking if he could PayPal me money, and of course I have to say no when, really, I'm just like, 'Why wouldn't I? He doesn't want anything for it.' "
Nikki Glaser
Want
Say
Money
" I've been doing stand-up for a few years, and I have a handful of fans just from stuff I've done, like 'Last Comic Standing.' And as a fan of stand-ups myself ... like, when I first discovered Sarah Silverman, I wanted to know everything about her life. "
Nikki Glaser
Know
Done
Doing
" I'm in a relationship and have never been on Tinder as a single woman, but from what I have seen, I think it is always good to have a picture with an animal to show that you are kind. "
Nikki Glaser
Relationship
Think
Good
" I was inspired by people telling me I should be a comedian. I tried it and had a really good first set, so I was like, 'OK, I'll do this forever'. "
Nikki Glaser
Like
People
First
" Someone told me I looked like a young Tonya Harding recently, as if 'young' would soften the blow. "
Nikki Glaser
Me
Young
Someone
" My logic used to be if I get angry at my boyfriend, he could say, 'Well, if that thing I do that I don't want to stop doing makes you mad, I don't need to be with you. Bye!' And then he'd leave me. Forever. "
Nikki Glaser
Logic
You
Need
" I knew what I wanted to do, so I was constantly working on material once I got to KU. "
Nikki Glaser
Got
Knew
Material
" My boyfriend and I are not good at fighting. We're better than we were when we started dating - two breakups and three years ago - but it's never come naturally to either of us. I have often wished we fought like I imagine Pink and Carey Hart fight. "
Nikki Glaser
Fighting
Pink
Good
" I don't know what that is because to me, Feb. 14 is Rob Thomas' birthday, and that's only what I acknowledge it as. I just like to celebrate that as Rob Thomas' birthday. "
Nikki Glaser
Like
Me
Know
" Just sharing things that are either embarrassing or possibly relatable, searching for that laugh so that someone makes me feel less alone. Like, 'Oh, they laughed, so they get what I'm saying. "
Nikki Glaser
Laugh
Alone
Sharing
" If anyone's going to bring about mass extinction, it'll be Donald Trump. "
Nikki Glaser
Going
Extinction
Bring
" My sister was very, very beautiful and I was very not. Doing comedy is the greatest thing ever because you don't have to do that, and I've since learned to let go of that. "
Nikki Glaser
Sister
You
Beautiful
" I nannied for a couple of months. The kids were super-funny; it made me wish I grew up in a comedy household. But nannying is demoralizing. I'm just not cut out for it. "
Nikki Glaser
Just
Comedy
Kids
" All my life - middle school, high school - I've always been worried what are people going to think. "
Nikki Glaser
Life
My Life
People
" People are just so insensitive because they're ignorant; they don't understand, so they're scared of what they're ignorant of. "
Nikki Glaser
Ignorant
People
Understand
" I don't feel the same pressure to be perfect up there that I did in the beginning. "
Nikki Glaser
Feel
Same
Beginning
" I just got a new dog, so I was worried that he'd hate the fireworks, and he did, but just because he's not a patriot, not because of the loud sounds. The loud sounds he's fine with - he just hates America. "
Nikki Glaser
New
Dog
America
" I remember the 'Jenny McCarthy Show' being kind of funny, and I remember her being just like one of the boys. I remember her being counter to everything I thought girls should be on TV, or whatever. I kind of liked her vibe. "
Nikki Glaser
Funny
Her
Thought
" The best stuff - the most interesting stuff - usually happens when I allow myself to be in the moment and working from that space. "
Nikki Glaser
Moment
Space
Best
" A lot of being a woman in this business is about how you look... That's not why we're even in this business; that's not what people want from us. We're valuable because we're funny and because we have a voice and a point of view. "
Nikki Glaser
Funny
People
Voice
" The transgender bathroom thing - it's just so obvious that people are scared of what they don't understand. It's like, 'I don't want to deal with the fact that some people might have been born in the wrong body.' "
Nikki Glaser
Born
Body
People
" Things end in this business. Shows get canceled, or you walk away from them - but most likely, things get canceled. "
Nikki Glaser
Things
You
Away
" Make eye contact with cute strangers. Give guys your email. Email is safer than a number, or at least it feels that way. "
Nikki Glaser
Cute
Way
Number
" There's actually a thing called Wikifeet that's the Wikipedia of celebrity girls' feet. "
Nikki Glaser
Wikipedia
Actually
Celebrity
" Up until recently, I've said, 'I don't notice the sexism in the industry.' "
Nikki Glaser
Said
Up
Sexism
" When I did 'Nikki and Sara Live,' I think a lot of the comedy got lost because we were always so worried about how we looked, and so was the network. "
Nikki Glaser
Always
Got
Think