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" The American people are sick and tired of this 'lesser evil' garbage they get fed every election year. Both the Democrats and the Republicans do the same evils once they're in office. "
Roseanne Barr
Election
Evil
People
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" You can't break through Hollywood formulaic points of view. I've tried, and I think I was more successful than anybody at doing it. "
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" The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment 'Roseanne' dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous! "
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" Nothing real or truthful makes its way to TV unless you are smart and know how to sneak it in, and I would tell you how I did it, but then I would have to kill you. "
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" I like facts and data because they help me think clearly, beyond the cultural messages that I ingest unwittingly, and sometimes find myself regurgitating almost unconsciously. "
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" I gave Joss Whedon and Judd Apatow their first writing jobs, as well as many other untried writers who went on to great success. "
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" I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny. And I discovered a lot of great writers that went on to do a lot of great shows like 'Seinfeld,' 'Friends,' you know, 'Three and a Half Men.' "
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" One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa. "
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" I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, don't I? I think you only get three. "
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" The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. "
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" They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts! "
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" As Prime Minister of Israel, I will introduce a bill into the Knesset that will simply pay the Arabs not to shoot at the Jews. "
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" Excuse the mess but we live here. "
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" It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it. "
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" Everything that's written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, like an avalanche, and I don't think there's anything I can do to stop it. "
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" I meditate so I know how to find a peaceful place within to be calm and peaceful. "
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" Women of this planet need some essential resources: wells, seeds and roads. That is primarily all we have ever needed. Added to that, women need righteous and strong men who will help us to use our most cherished gifts: the ability to multitask and problem solve. "
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" A lot of people in television who've had successful shows claim the 'Roseanne' show as their starting place, and I'm really proud of that. "
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" My real life is funnier than anything on TV. "
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" I like to get people talking. I am a provocateur, and I do like getting on Twitter and riling people up. You know what, after a while some sane dialogue and sane conclusions come of that kind of thing. "
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People
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" I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do. "
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" Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself. "
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" A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego. "
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" Since I had my gastric bypass surgery in 1998, I eat like a bird. Unfortunately, that bird is a California condor. "
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" You kind of restructure your whole personality to be in a healthy relationship. "
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" I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology. "
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