Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, don't I? I think you only get three. "
Roseanne Barr
Three
Prison
California
Related Quotes:
" Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself. "
Roseanne Barr
I Can
Think
Myself
" Women of this planet need some essential resources: wells, seeds and roads. That is primarily all we have ever needed. Added to that, women need righteous and strong men who will help us to use our most cherished gifts: the ability to multitask and problem solve. "
Roseanne Barr
Roads
Strong
Women
" I do kabbalistic meditation. It's not unlike time travel; it can change the past and not just the future. You can look at what was lost and go beyond the grief of what was lost. "
Roseanne Barr
Grief
Time
You
" Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact. "
Roseanne Barr
Mother
Wife
Sister
" I know that I pay 48 percent of my income to taxes. You know, I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't going just to export war. If it was actually going to help the people of the United States, I would gladly pay more. "
Roseanne Barr
You
War
Mind
" The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think. "
Roseanne Barr
Me
Like
Fact
" And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny. "
Roseanne Barr
Funny
You
Writing
" I'm kosher except for times where I eat pork and shellfish. "
Roseanne Barr
Pork
Times
Except
" There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect. "
Roseanne Barr
Hell
More
Most
" In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth. "
Roseanne Barr
Good
Find
You
" As Prime Minister of Israel, I will introduce a bill into the Knesset that will simply pay the Arabs not to shoot at the Jews. "
Roseanne Barr
Pay
Israel
Shoot
" I was not raised a Zionist, but a socialist, as were most Jews before the Holocaust. "
Roseanne Barr
Holocaust
Most
Raised
" I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool. "
Roseanne Barr
Farmer
Goal
Now
" As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job. "
Roseanne Barr
Work
Home
Parenting
" My real life is funnier than anything on TV. "
Roseanne Barr
Life
Real
Real Life
" After my 1985 appearance on 'The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson,' I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom. "
Roseanne Barr
Turn
Me
Appearance
" It's not really the job of a public servant to inspire, but to get the job that the people demand done. The Democrats think that if they have hope and are inspired, things will get better, but they actually won't. "
Roseanne Barr
Think
Job
Done
" Patriarchy is a bully notion, which if you will notice never attacks a nation that can defend itself. Zionism is patriarchal and sets Judaism on its head. "
Roseanne Barr
Nation
Head
You
" Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian. "
Roseanne Barr
Heaven
Just
More
" One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa. "
Roseanne Barr
Iowa
Things
First
" I was completely nuts for most of my life. "
Roseanne Barr
Most
Life
Nuts
" I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote. "
Roseanne Barr
Because
Always
Writer
" Anyone with a show on T.V. will tell you it's backbreaking work. And if you have a big personality, which I have, and you're a perfectionist, there's going to be head-butting. "
Roseanne Barr
Will
Work
Tell
" It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it. "
Roseanne Barr
Up
You
Shut Up
" I think I should be here alone to rethink the world - I do. I want these lesser humans gone. "
Roseanne Barr
Want
Alone
Think
" To say that I have an undisciplined mind would not be incorrect overall, but it's a little off the mark because I have great discipline when I write - but only for about ten minutes. "
Roseanne Barr
Write
Discipline
Great
" Judaism is one of the last of the world's matrilineal philosophies. Matriarchies are always the cultures that patriarchy attacks and decimates, because they don't spend all their money on the military like patriarchy does. They are easy prey. "
Roseanne Barr
Always
Easy
Military
" When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying. "
Roseanne Barr
Used
Funny
Tell
" My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel. "
Roseanne Barr
World
Hope
Just
" The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest. "
Roseanne Barr
Way
Through
Man