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" The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock. "
Wilson Mizner
Who
Halfway
Clock
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" A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune. "
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" Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up. "
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Welcome
Tried
Only
" Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. "
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Talk
Done
Yourself
" I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .' "
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Read
Begins
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" Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down. "
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Nice
Brainy
" The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. "
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Keep
Friends
Best
" I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile. "
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Own
Rather
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" All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long. "
Wilson Mizner
Because
Inevitable
Degree
" Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton. "
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Sewer
Service
Hollywood
" Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished. "
Wilson Mizner
Desire
Small
Looking
" There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless. "
Wilson Mizner
Restless
Skeleton
Something
" I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it. "
Wilson Mizner
Hate
Your
You
" If you count all your assets you always show a profit. "
Wilson Mizner
Show
Profit
Your
" In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork. "
Wilson Mizner
Existence
Clever
Battle
" To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady. "
Wilson Mizner
Born
Embarrassment
Lady
" Failure has gone to his head. "
Wilson Mizner
Gone
Head
Failure
" I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education. "
Wilson Mizner
You
Respect
Education
" The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in. "
Wilson Mizner
Bar
Wisdom
You
" A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. "
Wilson Mizner
He
Always
Fellow
" To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it. "
Wilson Mizner
More
Good Advice
Advice
" A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something. "
Wilson Mizner
Good
Something
Only
" I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience. "
Wilson Mizner
Hollywood
Think
Heroes
" A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant. "
Wilson Mizner
Critic
Him
Person
" Most hard-boiled people are half-baked. "
Wilson Mizner
People
Most
Half-Baked
" It is not in life, but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found. "
Wilson Mizner
Art
Found
Life
" I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at. "
Wilson Mizner
Judge
He
Laughs
" The first hundred years are the hardest. "
Wilson Mizner
Years
Hundred
Hardest
" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "
Wilson Mizner
Gambling
Way
Something
" If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research. "
Wilson Mizner
Many
You
Steal
" Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest. "
Wilson Mizner
Years
First
Hardest