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" There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless. "
Wilson Mizner
Restless
Skeleton
Something
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" It is not in life, but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found. "
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Art
Found
Life
" Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished. "
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Desire
Small
Looking
" Failure has gone to his head. "
Wilson Mizner
Gone
Head
Failure
" All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long. "
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Because
Inevitable
Degree
" The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock. "
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Who
Halfway
Clock
" The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. "
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Keep
Friends
Best
" I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own. "
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Lawyers
Ever
Fortune
" A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune. "
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Who
People
Ambition
" The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears. "
Wilson Mizner
Water
Most
Power
" If you count all your assets you always show a profit. "
Wilson Mizner
Show
Profit
Your
" Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down. "
Wilson Mizner
Down
Nice
Brainy
" A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. "
Wilson Mizner
He
Always
Fellow
" The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in. "
Wilson Mizner
Bar
Wisdom
You
" I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .' "
Wilson Mizner
Read
Begins
Lying
" Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him. "
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Party
Winds
Him
" To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady. "
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Born
Embarrassment
Lady
" Art is science made clear. "
Wilson Mizner
Science
Art
Clear
" Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. "
Wilson Mizner
Talk
Done
Yourself
" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "
Wilson Mizner
Gambling
Way
Something
" A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant. "
Wilson Mizner
Critic
Him
Person
" You sparkle with larceny. "
Wilson Mizner
Larceny
You
Sparkle
" Most hard-boiled people are half-baked. "
Wilson Mizner
People
Most
Half-Baked
" To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it. "
Wilson Mizner
More
Good Advice
Advice
" I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience. "
Wilson Mizner
Hollywood
Think
Heroes
" If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research. "
Wilson Mizner
Many
You
Steal
" Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton. "
Wilson Mizner
Sewer
Service
Hollywood
" I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile. "
Wilson Mizner
Own
Rather
Guy
" I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at. "
Wilson Mizner
Judge
He
Laughs
" I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it. "
Wilson Mizner
Hate
Your
You
" I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education. "
Wilson Mizner
You
Respect
Education