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" As a longtime former resident of 15 years in Washington, I wish that everybody would stay off the Mall with their political cause so that we can get out there, you know, and play flag football or Frisbee, or walk the dog or something - you know, which is, you know, what the National Mall should be for, in my personal opinion. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Walk

Political

Football

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" In theory, taxes should be like shopping. What I buy is government services. What I pay are my taxes. "

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" College professors used to be badly paid and worth it. Colleges used to be modest institutions; they should go back to being modest institutions. "

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" In Hong Kong there is agglomeration beyond my fondest imaginings. The Kowloon district claims a population density four times that of New York City. "

" What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it's so small that I have to search all my pockets to discover I've received a spam text. "

" Most people sort of enjoy going to work because of the socialisation, a chance to flirt with co-workers and so on, but actually hate the job they do. "

" If you want to join the Republican party, they have to let you in. There's nothing they can do about it. I mean, if Republicans will take Al D'Amato, they'll take anybody. "

" I blame feminism and Facebook for the death of the American automobile. I'm a Republican, so I blame everything on feminism - or commies. "

" Not much was really invented during the Renaissance, if you don't count modern civilization. "

" There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences. "

" We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren't there. "

" I have never been to a museum in Hong Kong, or a movie or a play. I've never gone club-hopping. I've never taken the tram to Victoria Peak. "

" People say free trade causes dislocation. In actual fact, it's the lowering of trade barriers that causes the dislocation. "

" Political discourse has become so rotten that it's no longer possible to tell the stench of one presidential candidate from the stink of another. "

" Ending wars is very simple if you surrender. "

" A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too. "

" Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. "

" My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family. "

" I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bloviation on current events, please. I can write that junk myself. "

" Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros. "

" I don't even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I've never used a computer. "

" There are 1.3 billion people in China, and they all want a Buick. "

" Liberals want to live downtown. All over America - in New York, San Francisco, Chicago, Georgetown - there are crowds of liberals living in the gritty, ugly, dirty neighborhoods sensible people are trying to flee. "

" Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse. "

" The beauty of democracy is that an average, random, unremarkable citizen can lead it. "

" America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased. "

" What Enron was doing, what caused investors to embrace it in a rapture of baffled awe, was hiding debt. "

" No Americans wants to see somebody lose their house because of health bills. Their boat? Maybe. Maybe the boat. But not the house. "