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" There is no number or level of success that would make me think, 'Wow, I didn't think that was possible.' "

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" The Big Five publishing companies are dinosaurs trying to survive in a post-meteor world. They won't. "

" When your buddy tells you a movie is good, that's worth 2,000 commercials. "

" Books are so cheap and easy to get that people don't bother stealing them, which is the essential rule of piracy that the music business learned much too late. "

" I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me. "

" There aren't a whole lot of people in culture that are unapologetically masculine. "

" Women always want the guy that other women want. "

" There is always more demand for great content then there will be great content to satisfy it. "

" I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there. "

" The haters always scream the loudest. "

" You know, even big-time academics kind of have groupies. Anyone with any sort of fame. So, like, in your micro-world, or in your niche, you're kind of like a celebrity. "

" The narcissist act is not an act. I actually am a narcissist, very much so. My world revolves around me. "

" I try to explain to people that the only way to be cool is to be who you truly are, and the only way to live life is to do the things that you want to do and be the person that you want to be no matter who that is or what that is or how you have to do it. That's the only way you can be genuinely happy. "

" Calling one thing 'literature' and another 'fiction' is a way to create status where there is none. "

" Think about it: If you don't have any actual, tangible skills, then how can you do anything? You may be laughing and nodding, but do you realize how few people, when asked the basic question, 'What can you do?' stumble on the answer and have nothing to say? Most people. "

" I think 20th century media were about tricking people - and the beauty of the Internet is you can't lie anymore. "

" My writing is authentic, and whatever happens in my life is what I write about. "

" Obviously, I love Japanese food. My favorite TV show of all time, without exception, is 'Iron Chef.' Not the stupid American version; 'Iron Chef' Japanese; the real one, the one that was on in Japan... my DVR for years was set to record almost every single 'Iron Chef' episode. "

" It is hard for me to be vulnerable, because I never learned how to do that. I was never vulnerable in a safe way. "

" Whatever your favorite food is, if you eat it every day for a month, you're going to get sick of it. "

" I think I just pick really smart and motivated people to work with - people who are probably going to do great things anyway - and I just teach them what I know, maybe teach them how to think a little clearer than they did before, and then off they go. "

" I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with her, and she can share hers back with me. Not only do we love each other, but we accept, embrace, nurture, and care for each other. "

" I've never really had a media edifice supporting me. "

" At some point in their life, everyone thinks they should go to law school. You may in fact think you want to go to law school now. "

" If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program. "

" Publishing companies are like schoolyard bullies that can't even fight well. "

" I don't want to compare myself to Picasso, but he had four or five periods in his life. Any good artist grows and changes and matures. "

" No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff. "

" I think that there's a lot of guys out there that want to read the equivalent of chick lit, but really there's not being much written for them. "

" A personal brand is relevant to people who sell or create something relevant to who they are as a person. If you're not in that boat, which most people are not, personal branding makes no sense. "

" No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog. "