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" There is always more demand for great content then there will be great content to satisfy it. "

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" I'm never going to be Tolstoy. "

" Usually, whatever people's particular political leaning is, they either think I'm just like them or the opposite. "

" You know, even big-time academics kind of have groupies. Anyone with any sort of fame. So, like, in your micro-world, or in your niche, you're kind of like a celebrity. "

" I've never really had a media edifice supporting me. "

" Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another. "

" No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog. "

" Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party. "

" I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me. "

" I don't even pursue girls anymore. I mean, I could obviously still pursue girls. It's not like I can't. But I don't have to pursue girls anymore. Girls come to me. "

" Most of my success, I feel, comes from being a good editor as opposed to a great writer. "

" I started my blog in 2002. That was pre-MySpace, pre-Facebook. That was back before newspapers realized they were going out of business. That was back when no one gave any credence to Internet writers. "

" When your buddy tells you a movie is good, that's worth 2,000 commercials. "

" Look at the scope of writers who sell stuff. I'm at the very top of the power curve in terms of sales. "

" It is hard for me to be vulnerable, because I never learned how to do that. I was never vulnerable in a safe way. "

" I'm a decent-looking guy, but I've never walked into a room and got a girl because of how I looked. Look, I'm never excluded because of my looks. I just don't stand out. "

" If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program. "

" When I give speeches at college, I don't tell stories, I talk about what it is to live your dreams and take the path less traveled. "

" The haters always scream the loudest. "

" The point of psychoanalysis is to really understand the roots of your behavior. Understand why you are doing the things you're doing - and connect your unconscious to your conscious. "

" No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff. "

" My writing is authentic, and whatever happens in my life is what I write about. "

" Women always want the guy that other women want. "

" I don't want to compare myself to Picasso, but he had four or five periods in his life. Any good artist grows and changes and matures. "

" Think about it: If you don't have any actual, tangible skills, then how can you do anything? You may be laughing and nodding, but do you realize how few people, when asked the basic question, 'What can you do?' stumble on the answer and have nothing to say? Most people. "

" Obviously, I love Japanese food. My favorite TV show of all time, without exception, is 'Iron Chef.' Not the stupid American version; 'Iron Chef' Japanese; the real one, the one that was on in Japan... my DVR for years was set to record almost every single 'Iron Chef' episode. "

" I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there. "

" If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail. "

" Publishing companies are like schoolyard bullies that can't even fight well. "

" Whatever your favorite food is, if you eat it every day for a month, you're going to get sick of it. "

" A personal brand is relevant to people who sell or create something relevant to who they are as a person. If you're not in that boat, which most people are not, personal branding makes no sense. "