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" I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me. "

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" The haters always scream the loudest. "

" If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail. "

" No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff. "

" I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there. "

" Most of my success, I feel, comes from being a good editor as opposed to a great writer. "

" Women always want the guy that other women want. "

" Having a soft major is nowhere near the career death sentence that so many make it out to be. The world is changing, and the U.S. economy with it. Our economy is shifting to a service- and information-based economy, and soft majors are already becoming more and more valuable. "

" I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with her, and she can share hers back with me. Not only do we love each other, but we accept, embrace, nurture, and care for each other. "

" I think 20th century media were about tricking people - and the beauty of the Internet is you can't lie anymore. "

" The narcissist act is not an act. I actually am a narcissist, very much so. My world revolves around me. "

" The point of psychoanalysis is to really understand the roots of your behavior. Understand why you are doing the things you're doing - and connect your unconscious to your conscious. "

" My writing is authentic, and whatever happens in my life is what I write about. "

" I'm a decent-looking guy, but I've never walked into a room and got a girl because of how I looked. Look, I'm never excluded because of my looks. I just don't stand out. "

" I'm a human. Every human is flawed. I might be flawed in different ways than some people, or worse ways than some people, or better ways than some people. "

" No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog. "

" Think about it: If you don't have any actual, tangible skills, then how can you do anything? You may be laughing and nodding, but do you realize how few people, when asked the basic question, 'What can you do?' stumble on the answer and have nothing to say? Most people. "

" You know, even big-time academics kind of have groupies. Anyone with any sort of fame. So, like, in your micro-world, or in your niche, you're kind of like a celebrity. "

" Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party. "

" Publishing companies are like schoolyard bullies that can't even fight well. "

" If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program. "

" Usually, whatever people's particular political leaning is, they either think I'm just like them or the opposite. "

" General reader feedback is usually pretty worthless. 99% of people give feedback that is irrelevant, stupid, or just flat out wrong. But that 1% of people who give good feedback are invaluable. "

" Helping reproductive services doesn't just help women in isolation. It helps men just as much. "

" I don't even pursue girls anymore. I mean, I could obviously still pursue girls. It's not like I can't. But I don't have to pursue girls anymore. Girls come to me. "

" I think that there's a lot of guys out there that want to read the equivalent of chick lit, but really there's not being much written for them. "

" A personal brand is relevant to people who sell or create something relevant to who they are as a person. If you're not in that boat, which most people are not, personal branding makes no sense. "

" There aren't a whole lot of people in culture that are unapologetically masculine. "

" Frankly, I'd rather make a little bit less money if it means living in a better world for books and publishing in the future. "

" I try to explain to people that the only way to be cool is to be who you truly are, and the only way to live life is to do the things that you want to do and be the person that you want to be no matter who that is or what that is or how you have to do it. That's the only way you can be genuinely happy. "

" Books are so cheap and easy to get that people don't bother stealing them, which is the essential rule of piracy that the music business learned much too late. "