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" When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show. "

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" I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?' "

" Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there. "

" I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid. "

" My fans are pretty normal, they are always really nice and polite, and they don't interrupt my meals. "

" I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself. "

" I don't run outside, honestly. Sometimes I go out around my house, but mainly it's the stupid treadmill. I wish I had a better answer, but I'm very businesslike about my runs. "

" As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything. If you do, you're screwed. "

" I used to go to the Cleveland Comedy Club all the time. If there was a comic I liked, I'd go see him two or three times that week. Bob Saget was one of those guys. "

" I'm never afraid to die. I think that's the best thing that can happen to somebody is they get to move on and do something better. "

" I work with a place in Santa Monica called Phase IV. My doctor recommended them to me when I started losing weight. They help people train for things like triathlons or biking and running races. They offer physical therapists, testing, lectures. "

" 'The Price Is Right,' it was an honor to be offered it because it's such an American institution. To be able to carry on this tradition with a show that has been on for so long, I thought it was a great opportunity for me. "

" I don't have a Bluetooth thing on my ear. That bugs me. "

" I don't know, people take chances on stage. It's a big free speech zone, a comedy show. So sometimes things happen, you say things that are a little bit off the edge. "

" Why is everybody afraid of going to Heaven? You want to be here with the smog and the sin and bad people and the war? Or do you want to be in Heaven, sitting next to Jesus, you know? "

" I looked at game show hosting as the bottom of the totem pole, one step away from infomercials. I never watched them myself. However, it's been a lot of fun. "

" When I thought I was retired, I wanted to travel around the world and watch soccer games. "

" I don't think there's hardly a comic out there that does clean material all the way around. There's a couple of guys that are clean, but I'm not one of them. "

" There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it. "

" After all, game shows are not like working in a coal mine. "

" Being a celebrity you always get really good seats to sporting events but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. So one of the scams I have going now is I want to learn sports photography so I can get better seats at a sporting event. "

" I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there. "

" Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with. "

" The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them. "

" Living in Hollywood, you can get disconnected from everybody. You can feel like you are the only one. "

" Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures. "

" The Marines gave me a really strong sense of discipline and a work ethic that kicks in at my job. "

" I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them. "

" For 'Power of 10,' you can look at the methodology at CBS.com, it's a company called Rasmussen Reports. We poll thousands and thousands of people for each question, a real cross section of the United States. "

" Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make. "

" The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name. "