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" Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures. "

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" I'm the kind of person that likes what I'm doing when I'm doing it. "

" I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck. "

" It doesn't matter how smart you are; to audition for 'Jeopardy,' you just have to luck out and know what they're asking you that day. "

" At 'Price Is Right,' people feel so safe there and loved. And if you can't jump around on 'Price is Right,' then you can't jump around anywhere, you know? "

" Exercise is the main thing that helped me lose weight. "

" I was in the band when I was a kid, I played the trumpet. "

" I don't know, people take chances on stage. It's a big free speech zone, a comedy show. So sometimes things happen, you say things that are a little bit off the edge. "

" Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face. "

" Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make. "

" Oh, and once, when I was in the Marines, I got a perfect score on my physical fitness test. "

" When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show. "

" We'll never see national shows with 45 shares again. "

" 'Green Screen' was a total experiment. I'm glad we did it, but it was just tough on that network to get it going. "

" I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?' "

" I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything. "

Change The World

" But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do. "

" The easiest diet is, you know, eat vegetables, eat fresh food. Just a really sensible healthy diet like you read about all the time. "

" I moved from Cleveland to L.A. with a girlfriend, we broke up, and I lived out of my car for a year and a half, on the road with nothing on my mind but getting my act good enough to be on 'The Tonight Show.' "

" I don't think there's hardly a comic out there that does clean material all the way around. There's a couple of guys that are clean, but I'm not one of them. "

" Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar. "

" Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you. "

" I work with a place in Santa Monica called Phase IV. My doctor recommended them to me when I started losing weight. They help people train for things like triathlons or biking and running races. They offer physical therapists, testing, lectures. "

" That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment. "

" I don't run outside, honestly. Sometimes I go out around my house, but mainly it's the stupid treadmill. I wish I had a better answer, but I'm very businesslike about my runs. "

" Why is everybody afraid of going to Heaven? You want to be here with the smog and the sin and bad people and the war? Or do you want to be in Heaven, sitting next to Jesus, you know? "

" Being a celebrity, you always get really good seats to sporting events, but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. "

" As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything. If you do, you're screwed. "

" I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people's albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson. "

" I was just sick of being fat, you know? You get sick of it. It just really, it's a tiring lifestyle to have. "

" I don't know what people are going to think of my stand-up. If you only know me from 'The Price Is Right' and 'The Drew Carey Show,' then you might be a little bit shocked. I'm a little dirty and a little opinionated but all in fun. "