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" I used to go to the Cleveland Comedy Club all the time. If there was a comic I liked, I'd go see him two or three times that week. Bob Saget was one of those guys. "

Drew Carey

Time

Two

Week

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" Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better. "

Drew Carey

People

Better

" I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody. "

" There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it. "

" I'm down to earth; people sense that and they appreciate it. "

" If you're wearing a Bluetooth thing and you've got that thing on your belt, you are working for somebody else. You are not the guy in charge. That's a really good social status indicator. "

" Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face. "

" I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people's albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson. "

" When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show. "

" The hardest diet I was ever on was the one when I was fat. You can only wear fat clothes, you don't feel good, your sex life gets damaged, you don't have energy for anything. It's horrible. "

" International soccer has been a big part of my love for the sport. I love the Men's National Team. I can say that they're my favorite sports team. "

" I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there. "

" Being a celebrity, you always get really good seats to sporting events, but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. "

" I don't do one show and wish I was doing something else. "

" I learned how to believe in myself. Learned how to set goals, you know, self help books man. I just read every single one I can get a hold of, and I still do. "

" Reality shows always look for the worst people. "

" The easiest diet is, you know, eat vegetables, eat fresh food. Just a really sensible healthy diet like you read about all the time. "

" George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do. "

" I was in the band when I was a kid, I played the trumpet. "

" Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with. "

" Oh, and once, when I was in the Marines, I got a perfect score on my physical fitness test. "

" Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make. "

" I love Las Vegas. I like that Las Vegas has everything. Everything and anything you want to do, you can do in Las Vegas. You can pretty much do it all day and all night if you want to. "

" Why is everybody afraid of going to Heaven? You want to be here with the smog and the sin and bad people and the war? Or do you want to be in Heaven, sitting next to Jesus, you know? "

" Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now. "

" Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label. "

Drew Carey

Day

Modern

" Exercise is the main thing that helped me lose weight. "

" The Marines gave me a really strong sense of discipline and a work ethic that kicks in at my job. "

" I'm the kind of person that likes what I'm doing when I'm doing it. "

" If I wasn't a comic or TV star, I really wanted to be a photojournalist. That was my other dream job. "

" There's nothing like the energy in a small comedy club room or a small theater when it's going really well. I can see everybody's face practically in the whole room. There's no cameras in the way, and it's just me. "