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" A brushstroke of vanity is good to add into the mix, to balance your timidity. We're all blessed with a lot of timidity and a lot of worry and anxiety, and vanity is a good antidote. "
" Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance. "
" I was a soldier in WWII. The last couple of months of the war I was actually in combat. "
" These men both publicly and privately have done so much for me. Without Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick I would be living in a little motel just around the corner here, trying to make ends meet. "
" I don't have a mission. I don't have a torch to burn. "
" Everything starts with writing. And then to support your vision, your ideas, your philosophy, your jokes, whatever, you've gotta perform them and/or direct them, or sometimes just produce them. "
" All short women have a delayed fuse. Marry a taller woman: My wife was an inch or two taller than me; it's a sign of security. "
" Anybody can direct, but there are only eleven good writers. "
" Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive. "
" We rest our case on the production numbers. "
" Immortality is a by-product of good work. "
" It's talent. Either you got it or you ain't. "
" Well, just being stupid and politically incorrect doesn't work. You can be politically incorrect if you're smart. "
" There's an army story in me, and I think there's a WWII Brooks film somewhere. "
" I loved Westerns as a little kid, and I loved horror films. "
" I love writing songs. I'm a songwriter. "
" He who hesitates is poor. "
" But I have bad taste with a deep fount of intellectuality. "
" If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively. "
" My job is to go out and entertain the most people possible. "
" I only direct in self-defense. "
" We want to get people laughing; we don't want to offend anybody. "
" As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes. "
" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "
" Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said. "
" Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love. "
" I don't believe in this business of being behind, better to be in front. "
" You're always a little disappointing in person because you can't be the edited essence of yourself. "
" If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win. "
" As far as songwriters, I've always been a fan of Irving Berlin, Cole Porter, and George Gershwin; those guys mean a lot to me. "
" If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. "