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" A brushstroke of vanity is good to add into the mix, to balance your timidity. We're all blessed with a lot of timidity and a lot of worry and anxiety, and vanity is a good antidote. "
" A lot of music is mathematics. It's balance. "
" Dom DeLuise was a big man in every way. He was big in size and created big laughter and joy. "
" I don't have a mission. I don't have a torch to burn. "
" Judd Apatow is pretty good, both as a producer and as a director. "
" I only direct in self-defense. "
" Humor is just another defense against the universe. "
" Everything starts with writing. And then to support your vision, your ideas, your philosophy, your jokes, whatever, you've gotta perform them and/or direct them, or sometimes just produce them. "
" Oh, I'm not a true genius. I'm a near genius. I would say I'm a short genius. I'd rather be tall and normal than a short genius. "
" Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said. "
" There's an army story in me, and I think there's a WWII Brooks film somewhere. "
" I like Chris Rock. He's dangerous. "
" As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes. "
" Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love. "
" He who hesitates is poor. "
" I loved Westerns as a little kid, and I loved horror films. "
" Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive. "
" Well, just being stupid and politically incorrect doesn't work. You can be politically incorrect if you're smart. "
" I was in the army, and to me it was like a newsreel. "
" Immortality is a by-product of good work. "
" The brilliance of Max Brooks is that he always quotes authorities at the back of his books that never existed. Like a Russian professor he made up that validates a story or character. "
" All short women have a delayed fuse. Marry a taller woman: My wife was an inch or two taller than me; it's a sign of security. "
" No, no, the songs write themselves, almost. "
" If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively. "
" I love writing songs. I'm a songwriter. "
" If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country. "
" Well, you know, 'Spaceballs' is a weird combination, because it's a simple, sweet little fairytale, and it's crazy and out-there and making fun of and taking apart sci-fi, 'Star Wars', and 'Star Trek'. "
" It's talent. Either you got it or you ain't. "
" When you come to Germany as a Jew you have an uneasy feeling, but I've always felt okay in Berlin. "
" My job is to go out and entertain the most people possible. "
" Anybody can direct, but there are only eleven good writers. "