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" I always tell people, 'Take a class or volunteer.' It really helps you get out of your own little pocket of people you always see and gets you exposed to a new group of people. "
Emily V. Gordon
People
Class
Volunteer
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" I am somewhat grateful to the disintegration of my marriage for teaching me a lot about myself and about relationships, and though I wish it hadn't been such a taxing lesson, I wouldn't change a thing. "
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" Marriage will not change your spouse. It will not make him or her more mature, more loyal to you, or better at housework. "
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" In my experience as a therapist and as a friend, it seems that the majority of the breakup resources available are for women and not men. Women, who tend to be more vocal about their emotional struggles, are the squeaky wheel that gets the grease from friends, from online communities, from books, and from therapeutic approaches. "
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" Do remember to pick your battles when you start parenting your stepchildren. "
Emily V. Gordon
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Start
" A lot of people end up getting married more out of expectation than out of passion for each other, but if your options have ever been, 'We either get married or break up,' be careful. Marriage should be a new addition you add to the house that is your relationship, not the structure you impose on the house once it's already built. "
Emily V. Gordon
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" When I was young and less wise, I thought that being a feminist meant being independent. It meant not sacrificing your needs for anyone else's and not relying on anyone else for even a smidgen of your happiness or well being. "
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Well
Happiness
Wise
" Hindsight is always 20/20, but I imagine a lot of married and divorced people have insights to share about how they felt during their engagement. "
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Always
" When someone insists that you watch a show that's already been on for a few seasons, they're basically saying, 'Hey, you're not doing anything for the next five weeks, are you? Because have I got a plan for you every single night! It's 'Weeds!'' "
Emily V. Gordon
Saying
Plan
Night
" Keeping physical items from the past is important - we keep old toys, grandparents' jewelry, yearbooks, dance recital programs - and we assign meaning to them. Those items become the memories, and that's a very healthy thing to do. The problems occur when we have too many of those sentimental items, and they start weighing us down. "
Emily V. Gordon
Past
Dance
Problems
" Never marry because it seems like what you should do. "
Emily V. Gordon
Marry
Never
You
" Your life story is a gift, and it should be treated as such. "
Emily V. Gordon
Life
Gift
Your
" Dealing with wedding stuff is a bit of a double-edged sword - it seems that divorcees are expected to either burn it all on the front lawn, tears silently coursing down their faces, or keep the stuff, shrine-like, concealed somewhere in their homes. "
Emily V. Gordon
Down
Wedding
Tears
" Marriage, or any committed partnership, has become sacred to me, powerful and fragile all at the same time. "
Emily V. Gordon
Powerful
Time
Me
" Unequivocally, individual human beings who live together will always have different standards of what a 'clean house' looks like. "
Emily V. Gordon
Live
Always
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" I think it's lovely when people are more involved in local politics. "
Emily V. Gordon
Politics
Lovely
More
" Betrayal can be extremely painful, but it's up to you how much that pain damages you permanently. "
Emily V. Gordon
Betrayal
You
Up
" Far from 'rotting my brain,' as I was often told would happen, TV helped me feel less alone at a time when I spent so much time alone. "
Emily V. Gordon
Alone
Feel
Time
" I don't remember being put into the coma, but I do have a lot of weird memories from being under. This may be because I was in a coma via medicine rather than trauma. That time period played out for me as one long rambling dream where I was at a hospital to visit my boyfriend, who I thought was in an accident. "
Emily V. Gordon
Medicine
Time
Thought
" I haven't always been the best advocate for my own body. I was a too-tall, pudgy child who felt completely out of control of the genetic lottery ticket she'd been given, so in retaliation, I shut down. I ignored my body and hated it for not being tiny and cute like my friends' bodies. "
Emily V. Gordon
Child
Best
She
" Marriage isn't just about two people who fit together well. It's about two people who figure out how to fit together well. "
Emily V. Gordon
Marriage
People
Two People
" You're not a victim of your divorce. What you decide to do with yourself and your personal life after your marriage ends is your decision, and completely under your control. "
Emily V. Gordon
Life
Marriage
You
" Things can be tough even when surrounded by nice Pottery Barn stuff. "
Emily V. Gordon
Barn
Nice
Surrounded
" Don't expect yourself to immediately love your stepchildren. In fact, you may hate them for a bit. "
Emily V. Gordon
You
Yourself
Expect
" People all want and need different emotional responses - some people like to be talked down when they're angry; some people want to be left alone. "
Emily V. Gordon
People
Want
Need
" I'm not an actress. I'm a writer. "
Emily V. Gordon
Actress
Writer
" I am fairly convinced that people plan destination weddings because they would actually like to elope but want to have given you the option to attend. "
Emily V. Gordon
People
I Am
Destination
" Divorce is one of the most destructive, emotionally traumatic experiences a human being can go through, no matter if you're the instigator or the recipient. It's hard, and it hurts, and it takes a long time to feel normal again. "
Emily V. Gordon
Long Time
Long
Divorce
" We all have an idea of how we like to be treated that we would like others to adhere to, and somehow we've gotten in our heads that the perfect person for us will just know what this code of behavior is. "
Emily V. Gordon
Know
Person
Perfect
" After my divorce, I took some time off from having a romantic life to begin the tough work of figuring out where I'd gone wrong and what on Earth I could do to understand how to be a whole person in a relationship. "
Emily V. Gordon
Romantic
Time
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" In some cases, newlyweds want so badly for things to be perfect that they ignore warning signs, both in themselves and each other. "
Emily V. Gordon
Perfect
Warning
Ignore