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" For decades in America, there has been an effort to ensure that the rights of those who are not sane are the same as the rights of those who are. "

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" Satire doesn't effect change. "

" My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. "

" The whole melodrama of the Middle East would be improved if amnesia were as common here as it is in melodramatic plots. "

" The car provided Americans with an enviable standard of living. You could not get a steady job with high wages and health and retirement benefits working on the General Livestock Corporation assembly line putting udders on cows. "

" I'm a member of the 1960s generation. We didn't have any wisdom. "

" People say, 'Oh, politics is so polarized today,' and I'm thinking... '1861, that was polarized.' "

" They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, 'But doesn't it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn't it be set in New Guinea?' And you say, 'But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.' "

" When you're a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, 'Gee, I wouldn't want to be doing that.' They're on your side. "

" I'm fascinated by political enthusiasm. "

" Writing on a computer makes saving what's been written too easy. Pretentious lead sentences are kept, not tossed. Instead of sitting surrounded by crumpled paper, the computerized writer has his mistakes neatly stored in digital memory. "

" In Henry Adams, I discovered not only the prototype of the modern thinker but also someone who is more interesting: a viper-toothed, puling, supercilious crank, thwarted in ambition, aging gracelessly, mad at the cosmos, and ashamed of his own jejune ideals. He is nevertheless very dear to me. "

" Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head cases we study in the social sciences. There's more opposable thumb in the digital world than I care for; it's awfully close to human. "

" Toledo is better than exciting, it's happy. Because nothing is more conducive to unhappiness than taking yourself seriously, and taking yourself seriously is difficult when you're baseball team is the Mud Hens. "

" Adam Smith pointed out that there were three things that make us more prosperous, in a general sort of way: freedom to pursue our own self-interest; specialization, which he called division of labor; and freedom of trade. "

" Seriousness is stupidity sent to college. "

" Some day you will be wheeled in for a heart bypass operation, and a surgeon will be the person who is now behind the counter when you renew your car registration at the department of motor vehicles. "

" Any terrorism is an attack on libertarian values. "

" Californians are people who insist on growing their own vegetables, but they won't dig up the pretty lawn, won't plant anything for fear of getting dirty, and they use fragrant bath salts from The Body Shop instead of smelly compost. "

" If I were a congressman who had voted for the American Jobs Creation Act of 2004, I'd claim it was forced on our country by a sinister international organization. "

" My generation of Americans was the first to really care about racism and sexism, not to mention the I Ching, plus, of course, the Earth. "

" The job of the president of the United States is to talk to the public, is to explain to them. Now, some presidents talk too much, like Bill Clinton. Some presidents try to talk but don't know how, like George Bush senior. "

" People say free trade causes dislocation. In actual fact, it's the lowering of trade barriers that causes the dislocation. "

" Never fight an inanimate object. "

" Until I carried my wife off to New Hampshire, she defined wilderness as the Bronx. "

" I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it. "

" A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking. "

" The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that's the point. "

" I knew Hunter Thompson since the '70s, and I loved him, but he would wear me out as I got older. "

" Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit. "

" I'm on Medicare now. If I go and have a big operation, it costs me nothing. It should cost me a little. I'm not rich, but I can afford a few grand if I have to have my appendix taken out. I can pitch in a little bit. "