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" If I were a congressman who had voted for the American Jobs Creation Act of 2004, I'd claim it was forced on our country by a sinister international organization. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Creation
American
Act
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" College professors used to be badly paid and worth it. Colleges used to be modest institutions; they should go back to being modest institutions. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Worth
Used
Go
" America gives every appearance of being a nation besotted with trashiness - divorce, illegitimacy, casual Fridays. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Nation
Appearance
America
" Writing is agony. I hate it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Writing
Agony
Hate
" If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it's a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also - to do the lawn and clean the gutters. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Job
Wife
Children
" A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Humorist
Really
Much
" I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Now
Air
American
" My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Car
Whole
Talk
" The divorce rate in 1946 was higher than it ever had been and as high as it ever would be until the '70s. The reason was that prior relationships had not endured the strain of war. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Reason
Divorce
War
" There is the love and marriage and family kind of happiness, which is exceedingly boring to describe but nonetheless is important to have and dreadful not to have. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Family
Marriage
Love
" Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less. "
P. J. O'Rourke
More
Less
Nothing
" There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Women
World
Men
" Any terrorism is an attack on libertarian values. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Terrorism
Values
Attack
" Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such an excellent banjo player that you almost don't wish you had a pair of wire cutters. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Singing
You
Wish
" As a former writer for the 'National Lampoon,' I've probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Live
Sarcasm
Writer
" I usually agree with Rush Limbaugh; therefore I usually don't listen to him. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Agree
Rush
Therefore
" Northwest Ohio is flat. There isn't much up. The land is so flat that a child from Toledo is under the impression that the direction hills go is down. Sledding is done down from street level into creek beds and road cuts. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Road
Street
Go
" I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Never
Trade
People
" Rich people don't like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don't go in much for revolution or terrorism, either. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Ugly
People
Revolution
" Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Algeria
Islamic
Nations
" Adam Smith's huge failure was the fact that he did not foresee the industrial revolution. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Fact
Revolution
Industrial
" What is obnoxious about the motives of politicians - whatever those motives may be - is that politicians must announce their motives as visionary and grand. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Politicians
May
Visionary
" The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Get
You
Two
" Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes - the whole bag of tricks. "
P. J. O'Rourke
World
People
Last
" Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well. The National Pediculosis Association doesn't exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Head
Own
Well
" Why is Iraq so easy to harm and so hard to help? "
P. J. O'Rourke
Help
Why
Iraq
" The world is being run by irresponsible spoiled brats. "
P. J. O'Rourke
World
Irresponsible
Run
" The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Kiss
Holiday
" I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Religion
Experience
Good
" The one thing that's terrible about traveling for fun is writing about it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Fun
Terrible
Writing
" I live in rural New Hampshire, and we are, frankly, short on people who are black, gay, Jewish, and Hispanic. In fact, we're short on people. My town has a population of 301. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Short
Black
Gay