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" In Henry Adams, I discovered not only the prototype of the modern thinker but also someone who is more interesting: a viper-toothed, puling, supercilious crank, thwarted in ambition, aging gracelessly, mad at the cosmos, and ashamed of his own jejune ideals. He is nevertheless very dear to me. "

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" Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Divorce

Legal

Children

" Now, do I think the baby boomers tend to be self-absorbed? I do. "

" If you want to join the Republican party, they have to let you in. There's nothing they can do about it. I mean, if Republicans will take Al D'Amato, they'll take anybody. "

" Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. "

" Banning paper and plastic and making shoppers carry their groceries home in their mouths like dogs is just the thing to make a little tin humanist in the Obama West Wing think he's admiral of the Uzbek Navy. "

" What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention. "

" Rahm Emanuel is, we are almost certain, a vampire. "

" In the Soviet Union, no industry went under until they all did. "

" The problem, when comparing contemporary television to television in 1974, is that TV has become not just bad but sad. "

" Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed. "

" I realised the bohemian life was not for me. I would look around at my friends, living like starving artists, and wonder, 'Where's the art?' They weren't doing anything. And there was so much interesting stuff to do, so much fun to be had... maybe I could even quit renting. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Life

Friends

" Inside every Sancho Panza there's a Don Quixote struggling to get out. "

" There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner. "

" Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum. "

" Raining on parades requires no skill or effort on the part of a politician. "

" The difference between American parties is actually simple. Democrats are in favor of higher taxes to pay for greater spending, while Republicans are in favor of greater spending, for which the taxpayers will pay. "

" You're not a baby boomer if you don't have a visceral recollection of a Kennedy and a King assassination, a Beatles breakup, a U.S. defeat in Vietnam, and a Watergate. "

" The killjoys initiated automobile crash standards so rigorous that we can't buy a car that hasn't been dropped from the top of a phone pole with our whole family strapped inside. "

" Opinions of language are as interesting as opinions of arithmetic. "

" Term limits aren't enough. We need jail. "

" I don't watch much television. "

" Obama, in pursuit of power, has been as greedy and irresponsible as any Wall Street tycoon in pursuit of money. "

" In midlife, we're as dumb as we get. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Get

Dumb

" We journalists don't have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the critters scutter. "

" The average IQ in America is - and this can be proven mathematically - average. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Proven

Average

" The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. "

" The idea of a world where all people are alike - in wealth or in anything else - is a fantasy for the stupid. "

" The library, with its Daedalian labyrinth, mysterious hush, and faintly ominous aroma of knowledge, has been replaced by the computer's cheap glow, pesky chirp, and data spillage. "

" I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bloviation on current events, please. I can write that junk myself. "

" The one thing that's terrible about traveling for fun is writing about it. "