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" Never fight an inanimate object. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Object
Fight
Funny
Related Quotes:
" I get tired of comedies where there are a bunch of funny guys and a beautiful woman who doesn't do anything funny. And I don't like books where there's a rough-and-tumble boy and a really clever, snotty girl. That's just not my experience with teenagers. "
Patrick Ness
Woman
Tired
Girl
" Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Love Is
Love
Bad
" I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way. "
Joe Rogan
Doing
Way
Thought
" God hadn't made me handsome, but he'd given me something, I always felt: funny bones. "
Jerry Lewis
Handsome
God
Me
" I live in New Hampshire. We're in favor of global warming. Eleven hundred more feet of sea-level rises? I've got beachfront property. You tell us up there, 'By the end of the century, New York City could be underwater,' and we say, 'Your point is?' "
P. J. O'Rourke
New York
You
City
" When it comes down to it, glam rock was all very amusing. At the time, it was funny, then a few years later it became sort of serious-looking and a bit foreboding. "
David Bowie
Time
Down
Funny
" If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! "
Demetri Martin
Funny
You
Then
" I've always surrounded myself with funny people. "
Leslie Mann
People
Funny
Always
" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "
Fred Allen
People
Like
Long
" I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. "
Steve Martin
Head
Hate
Funny
" All generalizations are false, including this one. "
Mark Twain
Funny
Including
Generalizations
" I think the Baby Boom has enjoyed itself, maybe sometimes a little too much, and we're continuing to enjoy ourselves, maybe a little too much. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Sometimes
Enjoy
Too Much
" I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far. "
Billy Connolly
You
Angel
Believe
" My favorite type of pet has always been a dog. They're loyal, kind, and offer endless affection. My friend Eric says, 'The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.' Funny thought. "
Brendon Urie
Friend
Thought
Dog
" I always believe that funny is serious and serious is funny. You don't really need a distinction between them. "
Trevor Noah
Need
Funny
You
" You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Growing
You
Children
" Sometimes I think I'm funny. But then sometimes I see myself, and I think, 'There's somebody trying to be funny.' "
Paul Rudd
Sometimes
Myself
Funny
" Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity. "
Thor Heyerdahl
Funny
Simplicity
Man
" Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Hate
Carter
Communist
" Only a few good leaders have paused to reflect seriously on being leaders. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Reflect
Leaders
Seriously
" My life needs editing. "
Mort Sahl
My Life
Life
Funny
" When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel. "
Steven Wright
Mind
Remember
Three
" I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. "
Flannery O'Connor
Always
Tongue
Funny
" The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time. "
Joe Rogan
Funny
Any
Always
" I'm for whatever gets you through the night. "
Frank Sinatra
Through
You
Whatever
" A person has got to balance work and life and family in order to be a balanced person. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Person
Work
Balance
" You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't. "
Garry Shandling
Curious
Funny
Know
" I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Wife
Years
Interrupt
" What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away, nice to see you. "
Anthony Holden
Nice
You
She
" The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Good
You
Rich