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" Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. "

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" We have a choice - we can both think and feel, using our heads and our hearts. "

" When the needs of one person are being met by the other, there is laughter. "

" I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good. "

" If love is the treasure, laughter is the key. "

" Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody's minds. "

" Americans think Soviets are so grim. I want them to see that they can smile. "

" Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. "

" I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering. "

" If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it. "

" We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales. "

" Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds. "

" I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter. "

" People in Tulsa are totally friendly; the crowds are very nice. "

" Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year. That's why you need a strong line of communication... which includes laughter. "

" As Americans after 9/11, we're much more united, together as a nation, and we got stronger, better, and more at peace. By peace, I mean the harmony you can feel in our united determination to fight these terrorists and killers. "

" I came to America to make it my home, and I did. "

" We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel. "

" I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter. "

" In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. "

" Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. "

" In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing. "

" I fed my ego, but not my soul. "

" To my real estate agent, Chernobyl is a fixer-upper. "

" Never having alone time is real tough on people. "

" Balance is so important in our lives. In our busy world, we can give ourselves balance between thinking and feeling. "

" It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart. "

" My father described this tall lady who stands in the middle of the New York harbor, holding high a torch to welcome people seeking freedom in America. I instantly fell in love. "

" The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. "

" There's depth in my comedy. "

" I have American in-laws, and I care about the environment. We don't use disposable diapers, which, of course, creates an environmental problem of our own. "