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" Never having alone time is real tough on people. "

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" Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. "

" Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody's minds. "

" I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good. "

" After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore. "

" In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. "

" There's depth in my comedy. "

" We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel. "

" Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds. "

" If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it. "

" Americans think Soviets are so grim. I want them to see that they can smile. "

" We have a choice - we can both think and feel, using our heads and our hearts. "

" Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. "

" Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. "

" My father described this tall lady who stands in the middle of the New York harbor, holding high a torch to welcome people seeking freedom in America. I instantly fell in love. "

" I have American in-laws, and I care about the environment. We don't use disposable diapers, which, of course, creates an environmental problem of our own. "

" It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart. "

" The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in. "

" I fed my ego, but not my soul. "

" As Americans after 9/11, we're much more united, together as a nation, and we got stronger, better, and more at peace. By peace, I mean the harmony you can feel in our united determination to fight these terrorists and killers. "

" To my real estate agent, Chernobyl is a fixer-upper. "

" If love is the treasure, laughter is the key. "

" Balance is so important in our lives. In our busy world, we can give ourselves balance between thinking and feeling. "

" The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. "

" Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year. That's why you need a strong line of communication... which includes laughter. "

" When the needs of one person are being met by the other, there is laughter. "

" When you like something, you find time to do it. "

" People in Tulsa are totally friendly; the crowds are very nice. "

" I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter. "

" I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering. "

" In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing. "