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" We have a choice - we can both think and feel, using our heads and our hearts. "

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" In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. "

" In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing. "

" People in Tulsa are totally friendly; the crowds are very nice. "

" Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. "

" Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds. "

" We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel. "

" Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year. That's why you need a strong line of communication... which includes laughter. "

" Balance is so important in our lives. In our busy world, we can give ourselves balance between thinking and feeling. "

" Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. "

" I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good. "

" After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore. "

" I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else. "

" To my real estate agent, Chernobyl is a fixer-upper. "

" As Americans after 9/11, we're much more united, together as a nation, and we got stronger, better, and more at peace. By peace, I mean the harmony you can feel in our united determination to fight these terrorists and killers. "

" I fed my ego, but not my soul. "

" It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart. "

" When you like something, you find time to do it. "

" Americans think Soviets are so grim. I want them to see that they can smile. "

" I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter. "

" Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. "

" Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody's minds. "

" If love is the treasure, laughter is the key. "

" Never having alone time is real tough on people. "

" There's depth in my comedy. "

" My father described this tall lady who stands in the middle of the New York harbor, holding high a torch to welcome people seeking freedom in America. I instantly fell in love. "

" I was this non-threatening funny guy who contrasted the image of the Brezhnevs and the Reagans of the world. "

" I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter. "

" I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering. "

" If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it. "

" I came to America to make it my home, and I did. "