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" I can't relax. I find vacations problematic. "

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" You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well. It was probably years before I was confident enough in stand-up that I was able to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, the way I wanted to talk about them. "

" My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler. "

" There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that. "

" I've said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That's been a pretty good career decision, I think. "

" My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I got my green card yesterday.' And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief. "

" Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing. "

" There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can't hurt you anymore when you've been completely dismantled. "

" Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being. "

" You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting. "

" It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge. "

" I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead. "

" I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have. "

" You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job. "

" I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it. "

" I have occasionally - if ever I do interviews that are difficult or nerve-wracking - I take my wife's dog tags and have them in my pocket because it's a very quick way to realize that what I'm doing is not that important. It's not really worth getting stressed about because it's not, you know, war. "

" It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be. "

" I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas. "

" I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into. "

" When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery. "

" There is no greater anesthetic than sport. "

" We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound. "

" Americans just don't understand dry wit. "

" People really have come for a dialogue when they go to a stand-up show in the U.K. They say, 'I understand that you have now finished your little comedy monologue; now I have something to say regarding what I've just heard. "

" I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes. "

" Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it. "

" People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character. "

" Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually. "

" You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.' "

" Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had. "

" The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven't seen. "