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All Quotes by author - John Oliver

" Americans just don't understand dry wit. "

" Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had. "

" As any Brit will understand, things get a little easier when you don't have to be number one any more. Really, the fall of an empire is not as bad as everyone thinks. It's like retirement. People fear retirement, but it can turn out be rather pleasant. "

" A Southern accent is not a club in my bag. "

" Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life. "

" Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper. "

" Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back. "

" Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury. "

" Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you. "

" Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels. "

" Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being. "

" Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing. "

" I can't relax. I find vacations problematic. "

" I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go. "

" I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas. "

" I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in! "

" I feel non-stop Brit shame! "

" I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead. "

" If I wanted to take a more activist or journalistic slant in work, I should probably just go be an activist or a journalist. But I'm happy being a comedian. "

" If you're asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion. "

" If you work on a comedy show, your basic form of communication is teasing. That's generally how we speak to each other: you communicate the information between the lines of insulting sentences. "

" I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is. "

" I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have. "

" I have occasionally - if ever I do interviews that are difficult or nerve-wracking - I take my wife's dog tags and have them in my pocket because it's a very quick way to realize that what I'm doing is not that important. It's not really worth getting stressed about because it's not, you know, war. "

" I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into. "

" I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician. "

" I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things. "

" I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse. "

" I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything. "

" I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show,' I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson. Having a British accent definitely gave me a sonic leg up on that because there is a faux authority to the British accent in and of itself. "

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