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" I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have. "

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" There is no greater anesthetic than sport. "

" We in Britain stopped evolving gastronomically with the advent of the pie. Everything beyond that seemed like a brave, frightening new world. We knew the French were up to something across the Channel, but we didn't want anything to do with it. "

" Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing. "

" I would never heckle someone. That's why I think I'm so interested in someone that would. "

" Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had. "

" Politics has become infused with narcissism in America. "

" I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression. "

" I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people. "

" I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things. "

" Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect. "

" I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free. "

" You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting. "

" The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not. "

" I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is. "

" If you work on a comedy show, your basic form of communication is teasing. That's generally how we speak to each other: you communicate the information between the lines of insulting sentences. "

" Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury. "

" We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound. "

" As any Brit will understand, things get a little easier when you don't have to be number one any more. Really, the fall of an empire is not as bad as everyone thinks. It's like retirement. People fear retirement, but it can turn out be rather pleasant. "

" Politicians don't really bring up religion in England. "

" I can't relax. I find vacations problematic. "

" I would hate to meet myself at 15. "

" I have occasionally - if ever I do interviews that are difficult or nerve-wracking - I take my wife's dog tags and have them in my pocket because it's a very quick way to realize that what I'm doing is not that important. It's not really worth getting stressed about because it's not, you know, war. "

" It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge. "

" My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I got my green card yesterday.' And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief. "

" I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead. "

" I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician. "

" People are friendlier in New York than London. "

" If I wanted to take a more activist or journalistic slant in work, I should probably just go be an activist or a journalist. But I'm happy being a comedian. "

" People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing. "