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" Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it. "

John Oliver

You

Done

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" I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have. "

" A Southern accent is not a club in my bag. "

" I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show,' I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson. Having a British accent definitely gave me a sonic leg up on that because there is a faux authority to the British accent in and of itself. "

John Oliver

Actor

Authority

" I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go. "

John Oliver

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Sketch

" The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not. "

" Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect. "

" People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing. "

" It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa. "

" There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers. "

" My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler. "

" I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician. "

" People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show'... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor. "

" I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into. "

John Oliver

Field

Fun

" If you're asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion. "

John Oliver

You

Cannot

" If I wanted to take a more activist or journalistic slant in work, I should probably just go be an activist or a journalist. But I'm happy being a comedian. "

John Oliver

Happy

" I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen. "

" There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. "

" People really have come for a dialogue when they go to a stand-up show in the U.K. They say, 'I understand that you have now finished your little comedy monologue; now I have something to say regarding what I've just heard. "

" Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper. "

" I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead. "

" There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that. "

" Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back. "

" I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything. "

" My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I got my green card yesterday.' And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief. "

" I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is. "

" I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it. "

John Oliver

Place

America

" It really helps a comedian to be an outsider. "

" When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain. "

" I can't relax. I find vacations problematic. "