Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I don't sell myself. I've never explained my comedy to people who don't get it. Never complain. Never explain. "

Lisa Lampanelli

Related Quotes:

" We usually let our husbands negotiate the house and the cars. But I never had a husband, so I was always buying my own houses and cars, so I knew how to negotiate. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I've really been working on the emotional and internal issues that made me eat in the first place. It's been a real journey. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" When you're dealing with a sick person, you're not important at all. You're just a nobody. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I'm a take-no-prisoners type of comic, and I'm lucky because my fans get me and never have a problem with the politically incorrect themes of my act. But I am continually amazed by how a certain section of our society seems to be so freakin' sensitive about jokes. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" You have to really be on your own side. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" Every day, I wake up and ask, 'Am I hungry?' If I'm physically hungry, I eat something that's hopefully good for me, and then do it again in a few hours. If I get a phone call I don't like, I'll say to myself, 'Is that the reason I want to eat something?' If it is, I try not to do it. It's literally a lifestyle. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" In the end, censoring a comedian's jokes is on par with censoring 'Huckleberry Finn.' Now, I'm not comparing myself to Mark Twain - he had much wavier hair and a slightly thicker mustache. But when you deny an artist the chance to explore his art, you're forcing your beliefs on him. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" People with HIV and AIDS are nothing to be afraid of. They are people just like every single one of us, and each has a story to tell. These people should be helped, embraced, and not dismissed. We need to open our hearts and our minds to them, and we just may learn we're pretty much all the same. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I have a shrink in New York and a shrink in Arizona, just in case. You never know when you will have a breakdown. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" When doing comedy, I do what makes me laugh. The first person I learned from said I should talk about things I am passionate about - that I love or hate - because the audience likes to see passion. The stuff I rant and rave about stems from a place that really pisses me off. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I'm obsessed with reality TV anyway - I use my knowledge of that stuff to make jokes on Twitter and Facebook to get more people to sign up to be fans. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I always order soup, dessert, and a sandwich or whatever main course. But then the idea is you have to eat such a small portion of it and bring the rest home. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I know Bea Arthur left the Pam Anderson roast really early, but it could have been because she was half dead; I don't know. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I lasted seven years as a journalist, and I've been doing comedy for twenty years. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" What you bring to the stage is what you are in real life... people sense that. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I was 25 myself once. I also thought I knew everything. I also thought that I could give singers singing advice and comics comedy advice. When you're that age, you know it all, so I understand it. But when you're tired and you don't have patience for it, you definitely snap. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I'm not saying the N word anymore. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I order food like a normal human being. If I'm out to lunch, I'm going to order three courses like everybody else. I'm not going to feel like some kind of freak. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" When I decided to do 'The Celebrity Apprentice,' there was absolutely no question that I would play the game for GMHC. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I've gone through literally over 30 years of struggle with weight and food and body image... and I'm like, 'Wait a minute.' "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I'm not a political comic at all, so it would be weird if I just turned into a preachy, sort-of political commentator. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I feel that if I retire today, I've done enough. I've achieved everything in comedy... I feel I don't need anything else. It's already built. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" Before, I didn't do celebrity stuff, 'cause Kathy Griffin did that, but now, if you're going to make jokes on Twitter, you have to stay current. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" Howard Stern gave me the best advice about Twitter and the N word. He said maybe onstage people get the intention behind the joke, but a tweet is 140 characters or less, and maybe that's why people overreact. I don't need to rustle any more feathers and lose any investors. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I wasn't ready to be a dog's mother! Trust me, I'm completely unfit and irresponsible. I'm a comic that travels 48 weeks a year, but I make it work, so you can, too. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I didn't feel ready to leave home, because it went from no freedom to all freedom. And I was like, 'Oh, my God, I don't know what I'm doing in college.' There seemed to be no like-minded people where I was... I didn't have a clan. I didn't have a choir... There was no safety net. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I kind of knew inside that I wanted to try comedy, but it was a mystery. How do you start? So when I hit 30 and I had done everything I wanted to do in journalism, so I went to a comedy class. I figured I'd learn how to do five minutes and see how it feels. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I've never wanted to be a person where somebody would be like, 'I like her; she's okay.' Love or hate is fine, because it sells tickets. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I don't like any of it. I'm sick and tired of menopause. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I've played every comedy club and every theatre across the country for the last 25 years and seen a lot of audience members from different ethnic persuasions. "

Lisa Lampanelli